Two Unto One.

Let’s take a moment to reflect what keeps us grounded.

Let’s take a moment to remember those who we love.

Is it their hauntingly familiar voice?

Is it their achingly comforting shroud?

Do we tell the ones we love how much we love them?

Does our heart unanimously beat as one?

Can you separate two mingling shadows?

Or the frosty intertwining breath on a cold night?

Do love and care mean something different?

Or do we not separate them at all?

Does their pain feel like a million knives pierced on an open wound?

Do their fears keep you awake long into the night?

Do you wish you could freeze the moment?

Do you want to stop time?

Do you taste them like blood in your mouth?

One felt, never undone.

Do you breathe as they breathe?

Do you feel their long drawn raspy breath?

Does their pain break into your soul

Does it make you bleed?

Do you see crimson as they rage?

Do you shatter with their pain?

Do cold sweats awaken you as they have a nightmare?

Can you even separate your souls?

Where does one begin, where does one end?

Taste blood if you don’t. 

Time is a terribly cruel epitaph. 

One moment she dances just out of reach, and the next she sweeps you away with her cold, magnetic charm.

Magical. 

Dancing. 

And just like that, gone. 

Silence

Look up.
Mould.
Work magic with your fingers.
Weave.
Illustrate.
Sketch.
Click photos.
Sunsets.
Sunrises.
Salty air.
Salty beaches.
Salty kisses.
Look up.
Stars.
Constellations.
Night skies.
Clouds.
Haze.
Shooting stars.
Wish.
Jump.
Look down.
Dew.
Dandelions.
Lady bugs.
Freshly cut grass.
Pond.
Fish.
Tadpoles.
Water Lilies.
Flowers.
Peonies.
Hibiscus.
Mogras.
Roses.
More flowers.
Crashing waves.
Surf.
Shells.
Beaches.
Starfish.
Look up.
Candles.
Flickering flames.
Dancing moonlight.
Moon.
Oh, the beautiful moon.
Breezy evenings.
Nip in the air.
Bonfires.
Shadows.
Fireflies.
Listen to nature.
Springs.
Ponds.
Rivers.
Listen to music.
Doodle.
Paint.
Promote art.
Love.
Laugh.
Breathe.
Groove to the music.
Slow down to the music.
Sleep.
Work out.
Eat.
Lick your fingers.
Steal a kiss.
Breathe in the crisp mountain air.
Breathe in the salty beach air.
Lie on a hammock.
Read.
Read under the twilight.
Read with a candle.
Cuddle a puppy.
Scratch a cat's chin.
Breathe.
Breathe, baby. Breathe.
And don't say a word to me.

---

Change

Is it that everything changes and you don't?

Or is it that you change and everything seems different?

Is change good? Bad? Indifferent? I don't know. But I cannot deny that change is needed. It's necessary. It's the fundamental reason for survival. And evolution.

The perception of change though, can be seen trivially enough to ignore it, or be seen as a life altering point and be made into a big issue. But generally that's not the perspective of the person changing. It's the people being affected by the change.

Do we alter our own need for evolution and survival because we want to appease loved ones? Near and dear ones? The other half? The better half? No. We shouldn't. But is that what we do?

There are so many unanswered questions.

Change is the fundamental constant in life. But so is family. And when change affects family, there are decisions which need to be taken, which don't happen easily.

To change or not to change? That's the question.

--

Rant off? 

New?

New house
New rules
New room
New room mate
New lights
New stories
New view
New breeze
New bed
New pantry
New recipes
New sofa
New job
New colleagues
New projects
New ids
New interests
New paintings
New books
New figurines
New placements
New views
New learning's
New news
New work bench
New traffic watching haunt
New walking track
New garden
New pond
New sunsets
New address
New town
New everything

Old me.

Index - The Story of my Life

• 1992: Me to my teacher: “I’m shifting to USA” – Dreaming big at the age of 5
• 1994: “She is so little” – Hello, baby sister! 
• Struggling with English: My 3rd grade nightmare
• 1996: Library Membership – The gift that changed my life
• “The captain was unstoppable” – Leading from the front 
• “You are a Grammar Nazi” – The first accusation of many more to come
• 2005: The start of my bittersweet relationship with Engineering
• To blog or not to blog: Wily Banter – The first blog
• 2006: How Not to Invest – Going from well-off to broke, overnight
• Conquering Public Speaking Fear: 3rd in Technical Paper Presentation
• 2008: ‘Second Big Opportunity to Lead: Elected Class Representative
• Winning a Bet: Award Sweepstake – Class Topper and Best Student Awardee
• 2009: First Job – A Switch from Engineering to Digital Marketing
• 2010: First Professional Win: Client email to COO – “She is an asset you can’t afford to lose”
• 2011: Unexpected Promotion – Newbie to Project Manager in 19 months
• Travel Diaries: Malaysia – The first of many more beautiful places to visit
• Love for Processes Strikes Gold: COO mandates a knowledge sharing process initiated by a colleague and me
• Painting like Picasso – Or at least trying to
• I Love The Client, The Client Loves Me: Growing a portfolio from 2 to 22 campaigns
• 2012: Part Time Cook – Blogging for the love of food
• Still a sucker for competition: Runner-up at a company-wide branding & publication challenge
• #LikeABoss: Handling 72 campaigns, leading a 13 member team and only 24 hours in a day
• 2013: “Is this a number or an Excel related query? Let’s ask Anindita!” – Analytics Spearhead at Flarepath
• Amazing Andaman: Our first family trip since the investment disaster
• 2014: Losing your best friend at 27 – Nothing can change perspective like death can
• 2015: Travel to USA – Will an MBA fulfill a 23-year-old dream?
• Coldplay & Old Trafford – Paying homage to life’s earliest obsessions
• 2024: Designation – CEO, Entrepreneur & Traveler

If I had to script it, this is how I would. Wrote this for Johnson. And no, the elusive dream of travelling to USA is still in the making.

"Maybe, it is not the time yet. We will know when the time is right."

But, as always. Come back stronger and set it right. That is the only way I know this will work. The rest as they say, is history.

Freedom

Each day we wake up, put on our masks and step out on to the world. We silently bear our tormenting thoughts, we smile at people we would much rather punch and we wave by to people we would much rather confess our feelings to. We turn to being vague and abstract when all we want to do is be raw, be free, be us. The need for appearances, the belief that the world is incapable of good, the forgotten concept of trust, credence and faith digs deep. We would much rather hope for outcomes than discuss them, we let our insecurities hold us back. We pretend all is normal when we would much rather implode, we walk by our daily strides when we would much rather scream and shout out aloud, we judge appearances and give ourselves no chance to explore the index. We live by the standards of righteousness set out by our society, when the ethos that build the very foundation of this society, are crumbling.

We go about our routines in a manner of speaking that is not much unlike the processes set by in a manufacturing unit. We hide behind locked doors to post anonymously on blogs that can't be publicly found and read. We write lengthy messages to express our feeling only to not press the send button. We are so consumed with definitions and boundaries and expectations that we do not ever remember what it is like to bloom and shine. And reach out just a little higher. After all, the tallest tree in the forest always spreads its branches a little wider, gets a little more sunshine, and sways more freely.

Freedom is such a cunning word. It gives hope when there is none, it inspires faith and grows a false sense of belief when it would much rather have us suppress our thoughts behind bolted doors, so that we can be molded to the levels of appropriation of society.

Lines

Sometimes, I forget how important you are to me. These lines aptly summarize who you are to me.

'You are not my star. You are my whole goddamn sky.'

--

This year I will be more positive about myself. There is too much we take for granted.

--

If nothing else works, take a nap. And then come back at it and give it your best  shot.

--

She was his luminary, he was her craze.
The barbed satin beauty and her fiery gaze.

Diamond

Each little memory, each with a share
Every little corner, staged another dare

Every breath jagged, each beat cold
Brittle and tarnished, remained her hold

He walked away, torn and lost
Her, he left behind at a great cost

Each day difficult, each breath a sin
Hope seemed lost, and chance seemed slim

Every step meek, every minute told
Time was running out, as the seconds did unfold

He kept thinking, he kept up his lies
Her he couldn't give up, not till the day he died

Families ripped two souls apart, afar
Memories gripped, like the solace of a shooting star

He kept his promise, he knew he was being bold
But he sought out those moments, his warmth in the cold

She was his princess, he was her czar
She, the only diamond, the sky's greatest star

He kept her warm, and held her tight
They talked under the stars that night

She was his luminary, he was her craze
Each a diamond, in the other's life's maze 

Random - Part Infinite

All things beautiful and all things bold,
All those tales which remain untold,
Walk into this heart, frail and cold
Show me love and the heart is sold.

Lost

The heart bleeds in haste farewell
The eyes darken in an unglowing sadness
Beauty that is lost, seems forever gone
The heartbeat weakens, once and for all.

Quorum

Amazed she turned and looked around. The first glance is always the most impacting. More lights than she had ever seen. More colours than she had ever imagined. More muted hues than she could ever hope to remember.

"Brilliant", she mused. "Why did no one ever mention how beautiful this is? Why did they leave the beauty of the whole thing out?"

Maybe those who saw didn't understand. Maybe they deciphered it wrong. Or maybe they did not decipher it at all. Or maybe they were too busy to appreciate beauty. They were busy chasing things they didn't have. Didn't need. Didn't want. All to show their prowess off. All to leave the person in front of them literally wonder-struck.

Buy she was happy looking at and appreciating the little things she had. Reds, blacks, blues, whites. The rainbows. The butterflies. The inky black starry skies. The red and orange sunsets. The blue green waters. The flowers. In every shade imaginable. With beauty in front of her, happiness became her.

She thanked her lucky stars that she was one of the chosen few. One of those who were specially selected to have restorative surgery to gain their sight back.

Grayscale

Sleep called from behind those smoke drowned drooping eyes.
The heavy lidded, demure gaze.
Deep breaths raked her frail shoulders.
The house darkened itself into an unending maze.

Silent thunders broke through the window pane,
The brief lightning followed,
Each time the clock struck a new melodious game
A cat meowed outside in the shadows

A creaking footboard in an otherwise empty house,
A dimly lit candle to chase the dark
A whispering caress calling out from the mirror
The weird call of despair made by the lone lark

The mirror reflected unseen and disembodied people
The world turned a shade of gray
The cross outside the window lost and forgotten
By the last child who stepped in the house to play.

Seduction

Seduce me, she said. And I like it with the lights turned off.

She was not ready to share her battle scars. Not yet.

Autumn

The change. Windy, and sometimes unpredictable. Capricious. Silent at times but always beautiful.

Change. The eternal constant in life. Vivid colours. Colors of joy but also sadness. Colours indicating the hardship that is yet to come. The testing times. The coldness. Winter is coming. Autumn.

Vivacious and yet, morose. Twinkling yet calm.

Autumn.

She stood at the window, looking at the world, with all her charm. 

You and I.

Every & each time I breathe,
And each sound you make,
We'll work through these promises,
And we'll work hard to keep them safe..

Each twirling around of her hair,
Each ragged step on the stair,
Fighting those demons and,
Hoping that is what life is..

Each day a fighting means,
To stay alive and to be seen,
Each day a circumstance
To wash away those sins..

For each heart wrenching scream,
And all those nightmarish dreams,
Fighting those demons and,
Hoping that is what life is..

Waking up to reality
And understanding life as a means
Accepting that maybe today, the
Haze can't take the pain away

Channeling all the anguish in,
And imploding on the scene,
Fighting those demons and,
Hoping that is what life is..

Fork in the road.

He moved with her flow
And swayed to her tunes
Each in their own trance
Lost to the moon

She was his pied piper
He was her beast
They commanded each other
Yet, independent each seemed

He was haunted by her sway
Her moves, her ways
She was captive in his gaze
His beauty, his craze

He wanted her all for him
She wanted the same
The Gods planned otherwise
They didn't share a name

They took different forks
On a two forked way
Each saying a silent goodbye
They left in haste

A year later their roads crossed
Her smile and his grin
Though both were happy
T'was something that each lacked

Both of them missed each other
Both of them incomplete
They were destined to be together
The Gods also agreed

They walked the next fork together
Walking hand in hand
Their faces alight with happiness
Whilst leaving footprints in the sand.

Twist

Maybe that is what it meant to you
A small time love affair
An easy way to forget the past..
By loving a girl with flowers in her hair...

My Boy

Hope twisted it's calming spirals of smoke
And curiosity got the better of me
I lived my bad boy dreams
And somewhere, the future I could see

I know I want to wake up to your face every day
And make you 2 am sandwiches
Be your support, your rock and your dream
And keep living in the warmth of your glow..

The Wanderer..

It takes time to walk them steps again. It takes time to get back to writing, when you don't remember how to hold a pen. It takes time to think when your mind is everywhere and yet nowhere. It takes time. And effort. A conscious, time consuming effort. But it feels nice to be back. Even when you long to have him run his silken fingers on your soul..

Music is how you interpret life. Your music is personal. Just like your words. Just like your thoughts. Music is what saved me from drifting onto unknown one-way shores. Mind you, I have been only many unknown shores. But I have managed to come back from them. Sometimes, I am thankful that our tastes in music don't match. It let me listen to all my music in peace. It didn't bring back any distracting memory. Which in this case, is a good thing. It would have taken away my credence in music.

For now, bigger ambitions and bigger dreams seem to be awaiting at the end of the tunnel. The words may still be raw. The flair will definitely come back. It just needs a while.

Listening to - The first and second episode of The Dewarists.

Flip. Change. Faith.

Take me back a hundred steps.

Let me re-think each step before I move back.

Let me change the colours.

The blacks become red

The blues shine coppery yellow gold

The orange hues into deep crimsons

The yellows turn lime

The slivers of pink turn grey..

Let me change my outlook, one step each time

Let me take hate and turn it into fate

Let me change violence to joy

Let me colour the pain to hues of sparkling smiles

Let me brighten the haze to definitive laughter

Let me touch your life,

Let me change your soul

Let me bring colour to your shades of grey.

Let me bring love.