Listening to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

Silent conversations...

As I stood there watching the tide come in, I felt the breeze ruffle my neatly combed hair into a perfect mess.. The soft rays of the the setting sun played with my face inviting me to go touch it.. The soft crashing of the waves left me awestruck and tempted as always.. I was so tempted to touch the water inspite of my better judgement.. *Sigh* I am a total water bug..

The sun just sank lower and lower leaving the horizon a brilliant combination of all hues possible.. The pinks, the blues, the oranges, the peaches, the crimsons, the golds.. *Sigh* The horizon.. I have always been so fascinated by the horizon.. I always wanted to take that step ahead and go touch the horizon.. But as my teacher explained to us in fourth grade, you cannot touch the horizon, for every step that you take ahead, the horizon takes a step back.. True, so true.. The pinks and the golds were fast disappearing giving way to the darker colours.. It seemed more like it was a game.. and now it was the turn of the darker hues to take over..

The beauty that the darkness offers is not something that many people can or will appreciate.. It is a shame that people can be so ignorant at the beauty staring them in the face.. As the darkness settled in, I felt a little puppy wandering about.. Obviously separated from its mother it seemed ignorant of the fact that it was alone.. It came near me, sniffing me because I most probably gave him something new to discover.. The little thing was hardly a month old.. It was so adorable.. Seven sniffs and a pat on its soft head and off it went, tottering off to another mission..

The darkness had taken over, the breeze was still soft on my face, comforting even.. A caress.. A gentle touch if you would.. I could see shimmering lights in the far distance.. As the darkness grew more, the lights shimmered more sharply, more beautiful and more awe striking.. They invited me to go join them.. They wanted me to dance to their brilliant shimmer.. And to give competition to these lights were the stars.. It was a clear cloudless night.. The moon away on a vacation as we were told when we were kids.. It was a very clear moonless, bright and enchanting night.. Each star shone distinctly.. Each star whispered out a message.. Each one told me to try and touch them.. The only thing that disturbed the beauty of the stars was a lone aeroplane going off to some far away land.. Ever since I was a kid, I always wished upon aeroplanes.. I made another wish.. As always...

This is when I realised that I had had the most beautiful conversation in ages.. I spoke to all the elements that make life more beautiful and worth living.. It was one of my best conversations.. Ever!!

The little things in life..!!

Listening to: Fergilicious by Fergie (Listen to those lyrics..!!! What was she thinking..?? I'm easy, I'm sleazy!! Hehe!!)

Finally..

The depressed spell has taken an about turn...

It has traveled the length of the seven seas and is hopefully not going to come back for a long, long time...

I have discovered that somehow when you hang around with people who drink, you kind of know about the names of all the bars about the place..

Funny..

Yeah!!

Also, I have found out when the person you dislike doesn't get tea you get sadistic pleasure in giving an evil smile and thinking to yourself that she doesn't deserve to have tea in the morning!!!

Also realised, you can bitch about that person for hours and hours and it still is not enough!!!

I have found out, that when a guy likes you and then ultimately settles down to being good friends, you can ask him for chocolate all the time!! He won't say no!! (Not that I do, I just happen to know!!!)

I have found out that the guy you go out with is normally the one who will make a hundred million faces when it comes to paying but will not let you pay!! (I guess that makes it more fun!)

I have discovered that in my college Maggi noodles is a life saver! (Magic noodles sound funky too!! A cheap imitation of Maggi noodles found somewhere!!!!)

I have so heard that the Lehar chips duplicate happens to be Poulami chips!! (Interesting!!)

BTW, Cigarette prices going up have become a major concern for all the smokers in my college..!! (Finally hail Chidambaram...!!)

Ummm, I have lots of crows in my college willing to give you ashirwad any time of the day!!!

If you can turn on the charm, you get free sachets from the stalls..!!! (Girl power, yeah!! GO ME!!)

Bandstand should be avoided if you dislike PDA's and men with no toilet sense!!!! (Ewwwww!!!)

Bandra is a good place to hunt up for Lexus's, BMW's, Audi's et al et al!!

Last but not the least...

My group has split since college began, I don't have hard feelings for the people who have hurt me and taken me for granted.. At the end of the day, we are still friends.. :)

Listening to: Dust in the wind by LP.

The wilder side of life…!!!

Hmmm.. life is beautiful.. More beautiful than any song can describe it.. But what happens when you want to explore the darker, the deeper and the wilder side of life?? All hell breaks loose... Trust me upon that...

Well, keeping the names anonymous because I got requests for them.. I shall name my friends as A, M, S, H. (Sounds crappy, but then I don’t want broken bones and I have discovered M can hit and that M can hurt!!!!) Well, A has been having an empty house for the last couple of days. Her parents have gone out of town for like 10 days.. Coolness.. So she decided to do the one thing that she wanted to do for ages...

*BOOZE UNTO THE ACT CAUSED HER TO GET HIGH!!!!*

Well, so this chick had got some booze stocked from before. (No she ain’t your regular bevdi, she meant to gift it to someone else for her birthday!) Well, so we had two 60ml bottles of flavoured Vodka and we were contemplating what else to get. So the other day when we were out with Mr. J she politely inquired and promptly stocked up on two quarter bottles of rum and more Vodka!!!

So on Saturday, all prepared to party unto the end of the world, and trust me.. we did..!!! I was the first to reach A’s place and we were soon joined by M and S!! After a while, A and S went to buy chips and soft drink. (Read: booze for me!!) In the mean time,I ordered pizza, the biggest that Dominoes could offer. (I don’t really like Dominoes, but then again;I didn’t have a choice!!) My pizza which the counter woman told me would take 45 mins to arrive; arrived before the chips and colas!! :D :D (They most prolly manufactured it, but then; I couldn’t care less!!)

Ten minutes of hunting for the appropriate glasses, plates, bowls etc the booze party had officially started. But before I go into details of that I shall tell you guys why I don’t drink.

1. I have this friend of mine who means a lot to me who has specifically mentioned that I am not to booze else, he will be the first one to whack back my senses into me.I ain’t scared of him, but what he said made a lot of sense so I stayed off the booze!!

2 . I had a major, major battle with my conscience and my conscience won. I don’t lie at my place. And the fact that a sleepover and booze party have no similarities made me stay off the booze. Most probably the day I booze I will tell my folks that I am off to booze but then again, I can’t ascertain that now!!

Never mind. Getting back to the story..

A and M went straight for the rum.. A little mixing with the coke and it all disappeared down

in one gulp!!(No comments) I was on the phone so I have no clue who had what, but I know that the alcohol disappeared pretty fast..M was complaining that she wasn’t getting high..So she drank rum neat!!! And A had the brains to remove the biggest glasses in the house. Wrong idea. Especially when M was drinking half glasses of neat....!!! Still complaining that she wasn’t getting high, suddenly she leaps about yelling, “I am so happy!!” WTF WTF WTF!!! In the meanwhile A and H were doing this seductive dance to the tune of Buttons by PCD. A was high and while using the chair as a prop, instead of gently sliding down the chair, she managed to fall of the chair, not once, not twice but all of three times!! (And now she complains that her neck hurts!! *Rolls eyes*)

As she fell off the chair for the fourth time, she started laughing hysterically.. She just rolled herself into a ball and she laughed, and laughed, and laughed.. She was happy, or dunno why, she just laughed!! In the meantime, an exceptionally high M came upto her and asked her to stop laughing.. But A was too high to stop laughing and she rolled about on the floor laughing.. This pissed off M and she hit and scratched A.. We had to drag her away from A for the fear that she would manage to hurt her, bad..

After that A more or less kept to herself.. Once the laughter has passed off for a stupid smile on her face, she went to the bed and lied down. Good girl A..!! I so wish that M did the same thing as well!! But M had other plans. The booze went onto her pretty fast.. She got hysterical and I had a blast.. Never heard so many contradictory sentences in one hour!! :D

I heard stuff like, “I am not high” (Yeah, I believe you); “You think I am drunk but I am not” (*rolls eyes*); “I can see two of everything but it is because I am not wearing my glasses” (:D :D :D no comments!!). Also, I have heard stuff like, “I can’t control myself, but don’t worry; Anindita is controlling me” (Umm... okie, if you insist); “Can I kiss you?”(Excuse me??!!??!!); “I want to make out with you, will you come with me to the bedroom”(Hell, NO woman; I won’t!!!!!!). M has also publicly declared her hatred for S!! She has told S to “Get lost”, “I hate you” and at some point of time she got real bugged with S and was heard telling her boyfriend, “I really like A but she’s sleeping with S whom I don’t like. I hate her.” (For all you perverts, they were not sleeping together as your perverted mind let you to believe!!!)

Well, more about M later, (I know you’re dying to hear more but wait, patience pays!!!) we move onto A!! Well, A here basically sought S’s company for most of the evening. I found

A (quite high) sleeping peacefully with her arms around S’s waist!! I do believe she smiled and laughed more, but then; M kind of kept me real preoccupied!! In the meantime, S was still drinking, not much; but she was kind of upset that she wasn’t doing something hysterical!! (Upset?? That was the best part about the entire evening!!) I had enough on my hands with a larger than life M!! And H was not high. She didn’t get high at all.. One hell of a capacity that girl has got.. She finished most of the rum and the vodka.. to such an extent that she drank almost half glasses of neat!!! (Oh Maan, WTF!!!) And she was still not high!! :D

In the meantime M kept me on my toes.. She was so high that she couldn’t stand. She kept falling here and she kept falling there!! Ummm, her explanation was so funny... She bent to her left and said that if she fell that way, she still had some control. Then she bent on the right and said that if she fell to the right she had some control. Then she bent forward in an attempt to tell me that she had no control when she fell forwards, but she never quite managed that ‘cause she actually fell. I really felt bad for her boyfriend, the poor fellow didn’t realize that she was high and had to bear the brunt of her actions!!! Btw, M also managed to kiss herself in than mirror more than once while trying to see herself in the mirror. :D :D She would fall flat into the mirror!!! Erm, she kissed my hand about thrice and S’s hands as well!! But I think that is still acceptable in society, so who cares!! :D

M also hurt herself while she fell . She hurt her foot. She was heard telling, “My foot na, I don’t know why, but it hurts, I mean it is dirty but it also hurts!!!” Hehe.. No connection, none at all!! Also, she went into these fits of umm.. happiness, regret, apathy, worry, jealousy.. Umm I don’t know. Never mind. Getting back to the point, she went into these fits where she would start yelling on the top of her voice. I finally had to tell her that yelling would cause the police to come by!! That would keep her voice down for quite sometime.. And then again, the warning had to be repeated!!!! She also has told me that she is fat and is unhappy with her body!!! And ya, at one point of time, she also wanted to strip!!! Ummm.. don’t worry.. we didn’t let her.. For all you guys.. sorry... no descriptions!! :P

In her case of “A rush of blood to the head ” (make that a lot of blood) she almost broke a set of speakers, managed to almost break A’s glass table. She pushed at the thing so hard that the glass top came off. Luckily for her, S and me were there and no damage was done to that..!!! PHEW!!! But her cell phone was not so lucky, after managing to bang it into almost every surface on the house; her phone had an additional number of scratches and patches of colour loss...!!! The flush didn’t survive. AT some point of time, she had to use the loo and while she was falling, she grabbed onto the flush and erm, broke it.. It came off straight from the wall!!!! OUCH!! Mega ouch!!!!

The worse was this female wouldn’t sit, let alone lie down somewhere.. At some point of time, I lost my patience with her..After that H and S took over, but S had to soon go away, because M didn’t really like S after she got high!!! She was heard screaming, “I hate my f@&*ing college” after which H managed to calm her down and then she felt real uneasy.. That meant a hurried trip to the loo, a little bit of role reversal with the stomach, a pile of vomit and a much better feeling M. After puking, she felt better, she got into a very chatty mood and H had the patience to hear her out!! J Relief for me!!!

In the meantime, S who was still sipping into her glass got a li’l high. She started talking about this guy from college who she liked and confessed her love for him. She also mentioned the fact that he was going out with someone else. She was almost ready to cry, but I kinda told her to lie down on the sofa so that she would feel better and she dozed off there. That left just me and H awake. All the other three were dozing off in various places!!! H wanted to bug people in Orkut and in the midst of it, A walked in with a major major headache!! (Read: Hangover!!) While H was still doing TP sending nonsensical scraps to half the public, I rem’r dozing off on the French window, getting bitten by mosquitoes and getting up and dozing off on A’s parents bed!!

Waking up in the morning was the best thing, ‘cause that we could blackmail M!! For all that I took, it was fine!! We had a major fun session in the morning, while M cleaned the loo, we kept telling her in bits and pieces what she did, as expected she didn’t rem’r half of it and denied the other half!! WE had a simple breakfast of omelets and Fanta, followed up with chocolates and one by one we all called it a night..!! (Day rather!!)

The only thing that I can’t confirm was the rumors that two of them made out!! I know, I know!! Gross!!! But that is something I can’t confirm and something that I am not gonna confirm... I know I have put in a hurried end. Incase I remember more things, I will put in a Ps post!! Take Care people,and no; we are not letting M drink for a really really long time!!!! :D :D :D

Cheers!!

Listening to: The Scientist by Coldplay.

The unenthusiastic me..!!

I feel apathetic. Everything seems to be a haze and everything seems unreal. My mind is fuzzy and unclear. A blissful blank if you must. I guess a lack of interesting classmates and an equal lack of me being able to entertain myself has resulted in a totally disoriented me.

Maybe I should just take a break for a while. A real long one maybe, but a good one. Unfortunately, I can't. Stupid college. Nothing seems worth it and everything seems to be something that I fail to appreciate. I don't know why, but somehow I just seem to be in a sad and unappreciative mood. Shame on me. I am a so called "optimist". Bull I say. My optimism died last September with a chaos of events. I normally don't retaliate. Maybe the lack of retaliation and the constant remembrance of the sad events have made me as vulnerable as I am now. Tears flow easy. My smile has become plastic and fake. My patience has increased to infinitesimal amounts. Not good signs, not good at all.

Today my friend asked me what was wrong with me. I so wanted to tell him everything. But I didn't. The fear of rejection and the ego set in. I didn't want him to tell me that I was wrong in keeping things to myself. I didn't want to hear that I was wrong. In order to mould myself to the college life, I most probably have given people the impression that I am easy to walk on, because I have stopped retaliating. Maybe I should retaliate again. And again. And again. I should retaliate until they stop. I don't want to hear that I am wrong. I have heard that so many times. My ego needs to gain something out of somewhere. It just does. It is kind of non existent now. It needs a while to heal.

I don't know how to get my optimism back. Do you know? If you do, let me know. I am open to new ideas. Atleast I think I am. I'll give it a try atleast. That much I can promise. I hope to smile wider and more realistically the next time you meet me. Take care guys. Love you all.

Listening to: A bunch of songs from a playlist having over 160 of them!! Right now: Square One by C0ldplay.

The most beautiful evening ever.....

Ahh, the most beautiful one of them all.. Started out last Monday.. well, it ended out last Monday as well.. but then, we could just have sat there forever....

I have COA classes on Monday. Lucky me, so does Mihir, one of my closest buddies ever. And when you have someone readily willing to bunk off class with you, need I say more?? ;)

I wasn't well in between. A bout of food poisoning left me miserable, weak and prone to nausea for no reason whatsoever..!!!! After college on Monday, we both left for Bandra where our classes are held. Feeling a little out of place and nauseous, the bus ride did nothing to my already spinning head. After reaching Bandra, we two hungry pigs made our way to Lucky's for the most awesome butter chicken and Roomali Rotis... (Trust me guys, if you haven't tried this out there; U DON"T DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!!!) Unfortunately for me, my nausea just got worse after the food. :'( And I didn't feel like attending three hours of multiplication and division. (Yaz, we still have all that in Engineering!!)

So the ever ready Mihir and me decided to bunk off the class.. Only problem was, what to do with the three hours that we had to kill?? (He couldn't be home.) And then, the bright idea hit home. Lets go do tp at Bandra Reclamation. I hadn't been to Reclamation before and the place sure looked inviting from the window of the 505!! Now the next dilemma, how to get there. After the crossing the road thrice, frantically trying to hail a rick; we finally get on a BEST bus no. 214 heading for Reclamation Depot. Well, well, well; guess what? The only people on the bus are the driver, the conductor, Mihir and me!!! Coolness!!! We paid our fares, (A meagre Rs. 4.50) and changed seats again, and again and again till we choose on the last seat, lazing about on them like we owned the bus!!! Coolness!! For the Rs. 4.50 that we paid, we got a 30 minute ride giving us an entire round of Bandra, a glimpse of Bandstand and finally after a series of long turning and winding roads, Bandra Reclamation!!

A big, huge and a deserted Depot met us over there!! We made our way to the Reclamation through a long winding road, blissfully unaware that there was a shorter path out there!!! Anyways, a 5 minute walk later; I found myself staring at a beautiful stretch of water, the sight spoilt by couples making out furiously as if in some sort of a competition...!! PDA's..!!! GROSS!!!! Leaving them to themselves, the two of us made our way to the "buddha buddhi" part of the parapet.

I have always been fascinated by water. That day I learnt the fact that so was Mihir. Initially we just sat there, staring into the beautiful calm and peace of the gentle and soothing waves which stretched out in front of us. A cool breeze blow over the place making it very cozy and very pleasant to sit out there. A sight of a couple of boats tied in the water along with the Mahim part of the sea front was what we could see from our vantage point!!

Beautiful. Mesmerizing. Soothing. Calming. Peaceful. Hypnotic...

I don't know how many times I repeated myself right now, but I couldn't care less. I most probably won't even come close to describing what I felt then. I sat hugging myself while Mihir had his smoke. As the day faded the lights just shone brighter, making the sight even more inviting than ever. The only thing that spoilt the peace and calm were a bunch of voracious and boisterous group of Uncles and Aunties laughing in the most undignified manner of them all!! It was positively scary and very witch like!! (Ya, ya; I have a good imagination!!) After a while, the boisterous bunch made off and peace and calm returned once more. I and Mihir sat there and had a good conversation. We talked about a lot of things. A real lot of things. I thought a lot more than I would normally have, but it is something I really enjoyed doing. I also realized that Mihir thinks a hell lot as well. A bunch of philosopers we are!! [Philosophuckers as my friend would put it but ever mind!! ;)]

We had this little rat and his companion scuttering about in the rocks below the parapet. It sounded quite freaky when they ran though pulling a newspaper behind them..!!! You won't believe the reflexes that Mihir has!! The second time the rat did that; in the blink of an eye, he had lighted a matchstick and thrown it in the direction of the noise..!! So fast he was, that he kinda freaked out the couple next to us. As the rats again did their thing, Mihir threw in another match. The couple next to us, disturbed in the middle of their PDA by a half abuse and a brilliant flash of flame went away in search of a quieter place. Or maybe the matchstick freaked them. Whatever!! We got rid of a noisy couple!! Awesome!! :D

We sat there for some more time. We talked about anything and everything. We actually even discussed cigarette brands!! *Sheepish Grin* We observed people. We followed a streamer in the water with our eyes. We talked some more. I lit a few matches. We enjoyed the lights. We enjoyed the silence. We enjoyed each other's company. We both wished we could have taken a swim. We just idled away time. We found peace and heaven and happiness. :)

We could have just sat under the azure sky for the rest of the night. We could have just dwelled in our silences. We just sat there enjoying the sight and the breeze which had now been sending goosebumps up and down the length of my arms!! And then he asked me something. "Tell me something about you that I don't know." *Sigh* What do I say? All I muttered was that I would have to think upon what to tell you. I eventually never answered that question. But then our silence spoke volumes. A lot more than any heart felt conversation ever could!

As the clock ticked, we made our way to Bandra Reclamation Depot, climbed upon a BEST no. 384 and got down somewhere on Hill Road and made our way toward Bandra Depot (W.) both of us wishing that this lovely evening could have gone on forever. We hadn't enjoyed each other's company with so much peace and happiness in a real real long time.

Listening to: Smack that: Akon feat. EMinem

And you want to know about me?
And then you don’t want to know anymore.
What you know about me scares you,
It changes your definition of loyal,
It gives you new foresight about the word integrity;
It defines strength, headfast and faithful.
It maligns your understanding of truth and honesty;
It underlines the use of the golden words;
It gives you more reason to smile or suppress the smile,
It brings about more laughter and life into your small world;
It broadens your life.
It changes you,
As a person,
As a friend,
And if you think you still want to know more;
Well; don’t complain later that you weren’t warned…!!!

Listening to: Try- Nelly Furtado.


Don't have much to write about.

Maybe I should smile more at people.
Maybe I should start being indifferent to people.
Maybe I should just stop thinking.
Maybe I should just let stuff be.

G'night people. Peace.

¿y pensaste que me conocías?

When was the last time u looked at me and wished you could change it all?
Wished that there was an alternative to all that you could see??
Wished that you could change everything altogether?
The face, the mind, the body, the soul?
Rule the spirit that you couldn’t catch?
Wished you could take some of that cheekiness?
Wished you could mould some of that big grin?
Or just plain wished that you could do away with it all?
Just modify me to something you want me to be?
Crush the spirit?
Break the mind?
Conquer the body?
Distort the vision?
Reconstruct the soul?

I am not what you want me to be,
I can never turn out to be someone to fulfill your vision of me,
I won’t change to keep you happy,
I will be selfish for a change;
I will keep myself happy
I will smile again at people I don’t know,
I will help the heartless,
I will speak my mind;
I will trust the cold and the apathetic once again,
I will give in to temptation once in a while,
I will savor the happiness coming my way;
I will fill my world with intoxicated sanity,
I will regain my old brutal ways again;
I will give an answer back when I am insulted
I will value everyone I meet,
I will not let you stamp my self respect;
I will not let you do away with my dignity
I won’t let you have all the fun at my expense.

And the spirit will be born again,
The crushed soul will revive,
The broken mind will emerge stronger than ever,
The conquered body will self reign again;
The distorted vision will be more focused and sharper than ever.

You think you can do away with all this??
Well; you can try,
I live life by my own rules
And I want to be happy till I die.

Reminds me of these lines by Nelly Furtado from her song try.

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be.

Peace. \m/