24 May 2007

Ermm.. Cheee!!!!!!

Weird. Weirder. Weirdest....

The conversation kind of went like this.

"I got mixed reactions after I shaved off my mustache"

"Erm.. ok."

"I was thinking of growing a French beard. Or spiking my hair. Or maybe both."

"Uhh.. Why don't you just do a Britney and check into rehab??? Ya, don't forget, you have to go void of underwear and flash."

Long pause.

"Ermm.. don't worry.. I won't look. I'm sure it won't be a pretty site. Ugly even. Ewww.. "

Pat comes the reply.

"Ya, it is ugly."


"Oh noo.. I didn't mean that.. Err.. Why are we talking about this again????"

No comments.




20 May 2007


"So you are all of nineteen", said a grumpy looking aunt, peering at me through her glasses and getting an unfazed look in return.

"Ermm.. yeah, I am", came the reply. "But how does it matter if I am nineteen or twenty six?"

Wrong answer to an aunt.. Wait she ain't my direct aunt even, just some cranky distant relative who didn't get hold of anyone else to bug..

"Why me?" I ask myself.

"Dear Lord, why me???"

Umm I used five profanities in these two sentences but for the sake of caution don't type it out here. Who knows, grumpy aunty might be spying on my blog!!!


That was followed by the longest lecture on why I should care about my age, my looks (No, I ain't putting red lipstick even if u smothered me in the effort to do so!!!), my weight (Ya, so I am overweight by a few kilos but you could give a rhino a run for his money), my friends (That woman actually gave me advice on how to choose my friends!!) OMG!!! I kind of didn't hear the rest of her vacuum cleaner drone as she went on and on!!

"What have I done to suffer this injustice?? What have I done to endure her??" I grumpily question myself. And if it didn't get any better, she asks me,

"So, when are you getting married??"




COME AGAIN???!!!!!

She mistook my irritation as a sign of shyness or something and went on to describe the kind of groom she would like to see me with. You know the plump, fat, obnoxious, lazy man who only eats and sleeps all day enslaving his wife at home to do the household chores and worship him on an alternate basis!!??!!

wtf..!!! Wtf!!! WTF!!!!!

My temper was beginning to boil.

Firstly, woman; I don't know you.
Secondly, my parents and I will have a say in this, not you.
Thirdly, you have no right to tell me what kind of a guy I should get for myself, especially when you can't get your 25 year ol' daughter married.
Fourth, for someone who is separated from her husband, go do something with your life.
Fifth, ummm.. never mind.. only profanity comes to my mind..!!

After that she went to describe with utter glee what she would like me to wear, how she would like me to hero worship my husband; rather idol worship him, never get a job, gossip about the neighbours.. blah blah blah.. STOP EVEN..!!!!!!

You know, aunt, with all due respect, please get out of my face before I punch you. Please go now. Please go before I do or say something that I shouldn't!


But nothing like that happened.


I lost my temper.

In a crystal clear but soft voice so as to not embarrass her further I told her maybe it is time for her to think about her own daughter and leave me alone.

I didn't want to further stretch the conversation but guess it wasn't my day.


"What did you just tell me?", she yelled.

The room went silent.

Just great.

I replied, "I told you to think about your daughter instead of me and to leave me alone."

That was followed by the longest silence there could have been. I wasn't loud enough for the other people to catch what I said, but the people were just moving in closer towards us.

Aunt's face turned purple. She looked like she was about to have an asthma attack but at the very same instant I realised she was angry. LIVID.

Don't ask me why she lost her temper so fast. But she did.


She raised her hand to bring it down on my face. Yes, she did. In front of 200 odd people, she raised her hand to strike me. All I could think of was how unfortunate her daughter was. As her hand came down to strike me on my face, I ducked. She lost her balance and she fell.

Collective gasps went on in the crowd. A couple of snickers were heard here and there. Even though I was almost slapped by her, I bent down to help her get up on her feet.

Wrong thing to do.

Note to self: Never help agitated aunts who don't happen to be your blood relatives..!!!!

She yelled like a warrior in distress.

"Don't you dare touch me."

I was so tempted to walk away but that would only humiliate me further.

I waited.

Some other people helped her onto her feet.

As she brushed herself off, she abused me.

I was stunned.

She used profanities on me.!!!


Ok. Whatever. Not that it mattered much.

She then abused my mother. She lashed out at my ma's character. That snapped me. You say whatever you want to me. I will tolerate it. But dragging my ma into something is not something you have the right to do; you ungainly woman.

My hand went up. But then, I lowered it. In a crystal clear but loud vice this time; I told her,

"You are not worthy of the slap I would have hit you with right now. Abusing my ma didn't get you anywhere but slapping you would not be something that my ma would want her daughter to do to an ungainly and characterless woman like you."

This said and done.. I walked away, head held up with pride. Her head lowered she left the place.

And within 12 hours she had caught a train back to her place. The shame didn't let her stay for the rest of the events scheduled throughout the week.

I had won.

Justice was done.

Note: Hehe.. I don't have a grumpy aunt like that, actually I do but i steer away from her.. I was bored studying DSA, this is a product of my overactive imagination!! :P :P :P