24 Feb 2007

Listening to: The Scientist by Coldplay.

The unenthusiastic me..!!

I feel apathetic. Everything seems to be a haze and everything seems unreal. My mind is fuzzy and unclear. A blissful blank if you must. I guess a lack of interesting classmates and an equal lack of me being able to entertain myself has resulted in a totally disoriented me.

Maybe I should just take a break for a while. A real long one maybe, but a good one. Unfortunately, I can't. Stupid college. Nothing seems worth it and everything seems to be something that I fail to appreciate. I don't know why, but somehow I just seem to be in a sad and unappreciative mood. Shame on me. I am a so called "optimist". Bull I say. My optimism died last September with a chaos of events. I normally don't retaliate. Maybe the lack of retaliation and the constant remembrance of the sad events have made me as vulnerable as I am now. Tears flow easy. My smile has become plastic and fake. My patience has increased to infinitesimal amounts. Not good signs, not good at all.

Today my friend asked me what was wrong with me. I so wanted to tell him everything. But I didn't. The fear of rejection and the ego set in. I didn't want him to tell me that I was wrong in keeping things to myself. I didn't want to hear that I was wrong. In order to mould myself to the college life, I most probably have given people the impression that I am easy to walk on, because I have stopped retaliating. Maybe I should retaliate again. And again. And again. I should retaliate until they stop. I don't want to hear that I am wrong. I have heard that so many times. My ego needs to gain something out of somewhere. It just does. It is kind of non existent now. It needs a while to heal.

I don't know how to get my optimism back. Do you know? If you do, let me know. I am open to new ideas. Atleast I think I am. I'll give it a try atleast. That much I can promise. I hope to smile wider and more realistically the next time you meet me. Take care guys. Love you all.

20 Feb 2007

Listening to: A bunch of songs from a playlist having over 160 of them!! Right now: Square One by C0ldplay.

The most beautiful evening ever.....

Ahh, the most beautiful one of them all.. Started out last Monday.. well, it ended out last Monday as well.. but then, we could just have sat there forever....

I have COA classes on Monday. Lucky me, so does Mihir, one of my closest buddies ever. And when you have someone readily willing to bunk off class with you, need I say more?? ;)

I wasn't well in between. A bout of food poisoning left me miserable, weak and prone to nausea for no reason whatsoever..!!!! After college on Monday, we both left for Bandra where our classes are held. Feeling a little out of place and nauseous, the bus ride did nothing to my already spinning head. After reaching Bandra, we two hungry pigs made our way to Lucky's for the most awesome butter chicken and Roomali Rotis... (Trust me guys, if you haven't tried this out there; U DON"T DESERVE TO LIVE!!!!!!) Unfortunately for me, my nausea just got worse after the food. :'( And I didn't feel like attending three hours of multiplication and division. (Yaz, we still have all that in Engineering!!)

So the ever ready Mihir and me decided to bunk off the class.. Only problem was, what to do with the three hours that we had to kill?? (He couldn't be home.) And then, the bright idea hit home. Lets go do tp at Bandra Reclamation. I hadn't been to Reclamation before and the place sure looked inviting from the window of the 505!! Now the next dilemma, how to get there. After the crossing the road thrice, frantically trying to hail a rick; we finally get on a BEST bus no. 214 heading for Reclamation Depot. Well, well, well; guess what? The only people on the bus are the driver, the conductor, Mihir and me!!! Coolness!!! We paid our fares, (A meagre Rs. 4.50) and changed seats again, and again and again till we choose on the last seat, lazing about on them like we owned the bus!!! Coolness!! For the Rs. 4.50 that we paid, we got a 30 minute ride giving us an entire round of Bandra, a glimpse of Bandstand and finally after a series of long turning and winding roads, Bandra Reclamation!!

A big, huge and a deserted Depot met us over there!! We made our way to the Reclamation through a long winding road, blissfully unaware that there was a shorter path out there!!! Anyways, a 5 minute walk later; I found myself staring at a beautiful stretch of water, the sight spoilt by couples making out furiously as if in some sort of a competition...!! PDA's..!!! GROSS!!!! Leaving them to themselves, the two of us made our way to the "buddha buddhi" part of the parapet.

I have always been fascinated by water. That day I learnt the fact that so was Mihir. Initially we just sat there, staring into the beautiful calm and peace of the gentle and soothing waves which stretched out in front of us. A cool breeze blow over the place making it very cozy and very pleasant to sit out there. A sight of a couple of boats tied in the water along with the Mahim part of the sea front was what we could see from our vantage point!!

Beautiful. Mesmerizing. Soothing. Calming. Peaceful. Hypnotic...

I don't know how many times I repeated myself right now, but I couldn't care less. I most probably won't even come close to describing what I felt then. I sat hugging myself while Mihir had his smoke. As the day faded the lights just shone brighter, making the sight even more inviting than ever. The only thing that spoilt the peace and calm were a bunch of voracious and boisterous group of Uncles and Aunties laughing in the most undignified manner of them all!! It was positively scary and very witch like!! (Ya, ya; I have a good imagination!!) After a while, the boisterous bunch made off and peace and calm returned once more. I and Mihir sat there and had a good conversation. We talked about a lot of things. A real lot of things. I thought a lot more than I would normally have, but it is something I really enjoyed doing. I also realized that Mihir thinks a hell lot as well. A bunch of philosopers we are!! [Philosophuckers as my friend would put it but ever mind!! ;)]

We had this little rat and his companion scuttering about in the rocks below the parapet. It sounded quite freaky when they ran though pulling a newspaper behind them..!!! You won't believe the reflexes that Mihir has!! The second time the rat did that; in the blink of an eye, he had lighted a matchstick and thrown it in the direction of the noise..!! So fast he was, that he kinda freaked out the couple next to us. As the rats again did their thing, Mihir threw in another match. The couple next to us, disturbed in the middle of their PDA by a half abuse and a brilliant flash of flame went away in search of a quieter place. Or maybe the matchstick freaked them. Whatever!! We got rid of a noisy couple!! Awesome!! :D

We sat there for some more time. We talked about anything and everything. We actually even discussed cigarette brands!! *Sheepish Grin* We observed people. We followed a streamer in the water with our eyes. We talked some more. I lit a few matches. We enjoyed the lights. We enjoyed the silence. We enjoyed each other's company. We both wished we could have taken a swim. We just idled away time. We found peace and heaven and happiness. :)

We could have just sat under the azure sky for the rest of the night. We could have just dwelled in our silences. We just sat there enjoying the sight and the breeze which had now been sending goosebumps up and down the length of my arms!! And then he asked me something. "Tell me something about you that I don't know." *Sigh* What do I say? All I muttered was that I would have to think upon what to tell you. I eventually never answered that question. But then our silence spoke volumes. A lot more than any heart felt conversation ever could!

As the clock ticked, we made our way to Bandra Reclamation Depot, climbed upon a BEST no. 384 and got down somewhere on Hill Road and made our way toward Bandra Depot (W.) both of us wishing that this lovely evening could have gone on forever. We hadn't enjoyed each other's company with so much peace and happiness in a real real long time.

9 Feb 2007

Listening to: Smack that: Akon feat. EMinem

And you want to know about me?
And then you don’t want to know anymore.
What you know about me scares you,
It changes your definition of loyal,
It gives you new foresight about the word integrity;
It defines strength, headfast and faithful.
It maligns your understanding of truth and honesty;
It underlines the use of the golden words;
It gives you more reason to smile or suppress the smile,
It brings about more laughter and life into your small world;
It broadens your life.
It changes you,
As a person,
As a friend,
And if you think you still want to know more;
Well; don’t complain later that you weren’t warned…!!!

8 Feb 2007

Listening to: Try- Nelly Furtado.

Don't have much to write about.

Maybe I should smile more at people.
Maybe I should start being indifferent to people.
Maybe I should just stop thinking.
Maybe I should just let stuff be.

G'night people. Peace.