I want to thank these people for all that they have done for me over sometime in the recent past. Thankuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)

1. Ma: For being the best judge, the best critic, the most patient and loving individual in the world to me. FOr being the best cook, for being the best dress maker, for being the person who notices each and every change, for understanding my need for space and individuality, for just understanding me. Yayy mom!!
2. Dad: For being an epitome of calmness, serenity and for being the progressive hip dad!! For giving me my independence way before other dad's knew what was the true meaning of that word, for giving me countless lollypops, ice creams and chocolates. For making my bed, for letting me drive, for letting me get home at 12 30 in the morning; no questions asked, for giving me those hugs when I need them, for letting me hug you on impulse coz I feel like it, for tickling me, for being quite amazed at how much I get tickled, for accepting me the way I am. Thank you baba. :)
   
3. Shubhra: For fighting with me each and every single day. It makes me realise how much you love me and makes me understand the unique bonding between sisters.FOr calling me at 10 30 in the night when I wasn't home because you missed me and wanted to wish me goodnight, for you sudden impulses when you want to give me a hug, for all those days when you just wanted some attention, for all the times we pull faces and makes stupid sounds and just poke out the tongue!!! These times, when looked back upon are truly unforgettable and extremely memorable. THank u:)
   
4. Ayan: For being the best cousin in the world. FOr patiently hearing out all my childish fears, my insecurities, temper tantrums and still giving me the best advice anyone could. For writing me a five page letter to tell me to calm down and face up the challenges in life. For being my only confidant through the troublesome teenage years. Thanks.
5. Isha: For being one of the most amazing people in the world. For hearing me crib, seeing me cry, sorting out my insecurities, for long walks, for lotsa talks [even though u talk a lot more than I do ;)] , for sending me smses in the middle of the night 'cause I told you I wasn't well and I needed some comfort, for laughing together, for hogging out together. To all the shopping in Bandra, for eating heavenly pastries in Biona, for being one of the people I really look upto. For just being there. FOr being one half of my best friends.Thanks.
6. Rasika: For being my biggest partner in crime. For comforting me, for telling me I can and must improve, for lots of aimless roamings, for long phone talks, for sleepovers, for just being there. Not to mention; for fighting with me. Thanks :P
7. Nimit: For being the other half of my best friends. FOr being the only person who tells me each and every single day how much u love me. For hearing "Shut up or get lost"every single time u say that! For telling me to get an Accord soon. For talking to me every time I needed someone to talk to, for taking long walks, for stupid phone conversations, for turning up late, for telling me I am a scholar, to just being there for me UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! Thank u.. For being the only person I can call up, give no explanation and say dude, I need some comfort and I need some now..!! ANd to get the needed comfort, no questions asked. It takes a big person for that to happen. THanks :)
8. Archana: For being one of the nicest people about. Even though we have had our differences in the recent past, you have been one of my closest buddies in college. FOr all the times hanging out together, calling each other names, countless reasons to laugh (rem'r mauhalle ke kutton ko bhagane ke liye joke!!), hanging out in CCD, late night phone calls, the Rock show in St. Francis.. Yup; all of that.. FOr all those memorable times.. THankuu...
9. Mihir: For being good to me, for long phone talks, for hearing me crib, for seeing me cry, for hearing out my worries and fears, for calling up all the time, for your concern and care, for telling me I am the only person you trust in college [have u any clue how awesome that sounds!!], for coming all the way to Tardeo woth me to eat pav bhaji ;), for telling me that you would be the first person to beat me up if I boozed [yaz, I am shit scared now!! Look at your size! :P] and ya, for giving me a rating of 8/10!!! Yipee!! Thankuuu :)
10. Joel: Hmm, for never showing up on time, for being the biggest foodie I have seen to date[This guy hogged in McD's, then we hogged up a sizzler, then a pizza and he was still hungry!!! :O], for long treks, for hearing me out, for all the care and affection, for being a sport and going with me to Mount Mary's [On a seriously shitty, rainy day], for all the hogging in different locales, for being one of the reasons I have so many scraps in Orkut [He started it all, blame him for the amount of scraps I have!! ;)], for drooling with me over a variety of gizmos, for cheering me up when I was down, for screwing up my sleeping cycle[thats his language, not mine!!], for understanding me, for telling me I am too good to be true..!!![Wow, thats something you dont hear everyday!!] Thankuuu...

To all these people, you guys have touched my life and changed it in countless ways that I cannot explain.. THanK you.. :) You guys mean a lot to me.. :)

In my moments of sadness, I have found comfort in the most unlikely of things... When I posted the WHY ME post, I was at one of my lowest lows... Thats a lot to say, considering I am a hardcore optimist... I have had the most unlikely choice of people; people who know both me and my friend come n tell me to put in a brave smile n hang on... This is what makes life worth living.. This is what gives you a reason to move on, to forget the past.. no matter how much it overwhelms you in times of vulnerability... I apologise to the people who thought I was being selfish or that I was mean or whatever... This is how I am.. When something is bothering me.. I write... To all of you who havent been there to support me; but to criticise upon the topic.. I COULDN'T care any less for you.. Yes, my friend is an amazing person, a wonderful human being and an absolutely awesome friend.. She hasn't been all that to me... Atleast now she isn't. I am writing this to let you people know; before you judge me for writing upon a public blog; do realise that I must have been hurt bigtime to vent out my feelings...

I am truly daddy's girl. No; don't get me wrong, he doesn't sit and stand upon my beck and call but I guess in someways I truly am daddy's girl...!!! Right from being named by him to all the ice creams and lolly pops; I have too many memories associated with daddy. He is a man that I look upto, tremendously respect and at the same time can share my thoughts and feelings with him without thinking twice..!!!

I was once lost in my own world about how dad would take it when me n my sis got married and settled off somewhere else, some place far away from he was. I mean, when I used to go on school trips, may it be overnight or for a couple of days; I knew that dad didn't take it well.. So this one day; ages back I sat and wrote down this poem which I intended to give dad the day I have to leave, married n all.. I dont know why I am posting this here, because it is something that is very close to my heart and one of my most heartfelt poems....

The first man in my life

I have always been your little girl
For the past sixteen or so years
And, one day I'll grow up, big and strong
Into this sensuous woman I've dream't for so long

And then will come one day, one long, hard day
When you have to let me go, say goodbye
Because another man is staking his claims on me
And that shall be the hardest day dad, this I guarantee

And then I'll know how strong you are
For you have to let go of this little girl
The one you sat upon your shoulders and told
Funny, deep and scary stories, new and old

That's when dad I'll understand the pain of parting
But I'll also realise the importance of understanding
Loving the first man in my life
And I know now why you are my inspiring light

You, I'll understand my dear loving father
Are the best man for me, except for that other man you see
And even when I leave this house to part far from you
Remember dad that there is no man as great as you.

I hope you will know in those times when I have hurt you,
I may have not realised the pain I inflicted upon you
But as I write these words of apology and love
Dad you will always be the first man I loved.

Ummm... WHY ME?

Has it ever happened that one fine day.. one of your closest and nicest friends, change? Change not for the better but for the worse?? And then only talk to you when they have work; which most probably only you can help them with?? WHY??

Why is it that it doesn't strike them that they are being selfish?? Or is it that overnight the wonderful person you knew changed into a selfish snob? How does it happen that people just stop caring for someone? Or is it that they still care but think it would be too stupid of them to let the other person know that they still cared? Or would it mean that you would have to let your pride droop a li'l??? Or is it that suddenly we have no place in your life..!! Or maybe it is just that we haven't yet stopped caring!!!!

I have this friend or rather had this friend XXX. (Name not written to protect her identity but I couldn't care less!) The entire college knew how good friends we were. We would hang out together, go home together, hang out at each other's place... Basically all the stuff that pretty good friends do... Two semesters we spent laughing together, cracking sad jokes, acting drunk, teasing each other, being there for each other.... Semester three started off well.. I mean we are in different branches but like we cared.. We would wait up for each other if one of us were left early n stuff like that.. But stuff changed... Our friend circle expanded to accommodate new classmates and also to try and maintain the old ones... Thats not easy n I admit that but that doesn't mean that we can't try.. The beginning of semester 3 saw us pretty normal n stuff.. Problems started once all the extra curricular activities started... There was our college fest, robo making which involves a lot of time, Y.F.E. protests etc... I didn't take a very active part in them because I wasn't keeping well and this girl goes for all of these and apparently makes new best friends overnight..!!! Suddenly so many people in college know so many personal details in my life...!!!! I was shocked..!! Upon questioning her she just tells me she thought I might have told all these people I hardly know personal details..!!! She was apologetic but WTF!!!! You dont say stuff to people because you think they might know about something..!! You especially dont say stuff that is of a personal nature and especially not if that is not yours..!!!!

This raised quite a few warning bells in my head.. But I chose to ignore them. I gave her the benefit of doubt. Then more shit happens.. We hardly meet in college, talk or for that matter, do ANYTHING!!!!! Then it so happens that I invite her over to my place for Ganpati. She told me that there was Ganpati in her building as well and that the youngsters there organised it and hence she wouldn't be able to come to my place. I didn't give it another thought until another fellow from college turned up. he told me that this girl had gone to Prayag's n Dhiraj's place because they had Ganpati there!!!! OUCH!!!! That hurt..!! I laughed it off.. I thought this fellow was kidding me... Turns out he wasn't..!!!! I wouldn't have said anything if she had told me that she had already told these guys that she was going to their place.. No issues at all... But she didn't have to lie to me.. I would have understood... But the lie kinda killed it all... Stuff was already not smooth sailing between us.. n then this happens!!!! N then the ultimate.. This girl has the hots for some senior who apparently liked her back... I stick with her all day long hearing her worries and her apprehension about if things moight work out between them and the gratitude I got was she telling me at the end of the day, "Don't interfere in my life..."

Man, how much can u take me for granted?? I'm not a heartless stone you know.. I have feelings.. N ya, I DO GET HURT!!! Why is it so that you people don't get it??? She has not apologised for that incident and she hasn't bothered about it.. I had to take the initiative.. SUCKS bigtime... N then her only words are, "Lets start over". Well.. we never did get off to a start.. the guy who she was worried about and all, well they re going out.. so madam never has time for us people anymore... And her reason is "It is a new relationship, I need to give it time."
Fine, dude.. Give it time.. But not such that you alienate your friends...!!! Prioritise stuff girl..!! But guess that never happens does it???

I know I might be sounding jealous and stupid to try and get her friendship back.. Maybe I am stupid to do so.. But I just don't stop caring overnight... I can't.. I am not built that way! And to add fuel to the fire, her boyfriend has decided to take my case because he is plain dumb I guess. OR maybe he is trying to win over appreciation. But when he says stuff like "Nobody who knows you can stand you for one second", you go back to your first words.. "WHY ME????"