Ummm... WHY ME?

Has it ever happened that one fine day.. one of your closest and nicest friends, change? Change not for the better but for the worse?? And then only talk to you when they have work; which most probably only you can help them with?? WHY??

Why is it that it doesn't strike them that they are being selfish?? Or is it that overnight the wonderful person you knew changed into a selfish snob? How does it happen that people just stop caring for someone? Or is it that they still care but think it would be too stupid of them to let the other person know that they still cared? Or would it mean that you would have to let your pride droop a li'l??? Or is it that suddenly we have no place in your life..!! Or maybe it is just that we haven't yet stopped caring!!!!

I have this friend or rather had this friend XXX. (Name not written to protect her identity but I couldn't care less!) The entire college knew how good friends we were. We would hang out together, go home together, hang out at each other's place... Basically all the stuff that pretty good friends do... Two semesters we spent laughing together, cracking sad jokes, acting drunk, teasing each other, being there for each other.... Semester three started off well.. I mean we are in different branches but like we cared.. We would wait up for each other if one of us were left early n stuff like that.. But stuff changed... Our friend circle expanded to accommodate new classmates and also to try and maintain the old ones... Thats not easy n I admit that but that doesn't mean that we can't try.. The beginning of semester 3 saw us pretty normal n stuff.. Problems started once all the extra curricular activities started... There was our college fest, robo making which involves a lot of time, Y.F.E. protests etc... I didn't take a very active part in them because I wasn't keeping well and this girl goes for all of these and apparently makes new best friends overnight..!!! Suddenly so many people in college know so many personal details in my life...!!!! I was shocked..!! Upon questioning her she just tells me she thought I might have told all these people I hardly know personal details..!!! She was apologetic but WTF!!!! You dont say stuff to people because you think they might know about something..!! You especially dont say stuff that is of a personal nature and especially not if that is not yours..!!!!

This raised quite a few warning bells in my head.. But I chose to ignore them. I gave her the benefit of doubt. Then more shit happens.. We hardly meet in college, talk or for that matter, do ANYTHING!!!!! Then it so happens that I invite her over to my place for Ganpati. She told me that there was Ganpati in her building as well and that the youngsters there organised it and hence she wouldn't be able to come to my place. I didn't give it another thought until another fellow from college turned up. he told me that this girl had gone to Prayag's n Dhiraj's place because they had Ganpati there!!!! OUCH!!!! That hurt..!! I laughed it off.. I thought this fellow was kidding me... Turns out he wasn't..!!!! I wouldn't have said anything if she had told me that she had already told these guys that she was going to their place.. No issues at all... But she didn't have to lie to me.. I would have understood... But the lie kinda killed it all... Stuff was already not smooth sailing between us.. n then this happens!!!! N then the ultimate.. This girl has the hots for some senior who apparently liked her back... I stick with her all day long hearing her worries and her apprehension about if things moight work out between them and the gratitude I got was she telling me at the end of the day, "Don't interfere in my life..."

Man, how much can u take me for granted?? I'm not a heartless stone you know.. I have feelings.. N ya, I DO GET HURT!!! Why is it so that you people don't get it??? She has not apologised for that incident and she hasn't bothered about it.. I had to take the initiative.. SUCKS bigtime... N then her only words are, "Lets start over". Well.. we never did get off to a start.. the guy who she was worried about and all, well they re going out.. so madam never has time for us people anymore... And her reason is "It is a new relationship, I need to give it time."
Fine, dude.. Give it time.. But not such that you alienate your friends...!!! Prioritise stuff girl..!! But guess that never happens does it???

I know I might be sounding jealous and stupid to try and get her friendship back.. Maybe I am stupid to do so.. But I just don't stop caring overnight... I can't.. I am not built that way! And to add fuel to the fire, her boyfriend has decided to take my case because he is plain dumb I guess. OR maybe he is trying to win over appreciation. But when he says stuff like "Nobody who knows you can stand you for one second", you go back to your first words.. "WHY ME????"

My Favourite Poem.. By Robert Frost.. :)

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Dunno what to say... These are the few lines making rounds in my head...

People come and people go...

A couple of them change you forever,

And when least expected,

If they walk out on you....

You feel the pinch,

You feel the pain,

You are so hurt

Blinding is a small word to use...

An arrow pierces your entire being

An arrow marked by helplessness

Pain, grief, despair and hurt

When finally someone offers you a rose,

To ease your aching hurt,

You take it and cling onto it for dear life...

That becomes your hope,

Your warmth, your smile...

But you have to realize that the rose will wilt

It is after all a rose...

And when it does...

You are once again struck by grief...

But there is also comfort in knowing

That you had the rose

And that the roe petals are preserved

In the dearest corner of your heart...

The pain then slowly starts reducing...

But the loss of something very close, very dear

That is always there...

And maybe that shall be the reason

You think twice the next time...

Before you take that rose...

20 things I want to do before I am 25... :P

1. Go BUngEe JumPing...
2. Get a TattOO
3. Create a PaIntINg
4. Go to a ColdPLay ConCErt
5. Go for a MidNIght WalK on a dEsErtEd IslANd
6. PaRaSAil
7. Visit FIji
8. Tell people how much they MeAN to me.. All of them... ;)
9. LEarn SkaTebOArdiNg
10. bUY meSelF oNe of those hONdA beAUtiEs *winks winks n winks again!!*
11. wrItE a leTTeR and thRow it Out to the SEa in a boTTle..!!!
12. go for a CRuiSe
13. but me a DesignEr oUtFit.. (ya, one of those extremely expensive, dont make sense ones..!!)
14. go trEkKIng with all my CousINs
15. lEarN anotHEr lanGUage...
16. get myselF a jOB with an oUTraGeouS payCHeck and even more outRageous pERks..!!
17. dO a tRIbal dance with the TRibals..!!!!
18. lEarn to SalSa... (in a sexy red dress n with the rose in my mouth...!!!)
19. leARn to say NO to people!!
20. get myself a dog.. :)

yup thats my expectation from myself in the next couple of years..!!! lesse how many i fulfill..!!!

I came across this on a profile in Orkut... Not being as multilinguistic as I would hope to be I found this quite amusing.. ;)


Africano - Ek het jou lief
Arabe - Arabe - Ana behibek
Búlgaro - Obicham te
Chines Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalao - T'estimo
Croacia - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Dinamarques - Jeg Elsker Dig
Holandes - Ik hou van jo
English - I love you
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Filipino - Mahal kita
Frances - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Alemao - Ich liebe dich
Grego - S'agapo
Havaiano - Aloha wau ia oi
Ebreu - Ani ohev otah
India - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hungria - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Indonesia - Saya cinta padamu
Italiano - Ti amo
Japones - Aishiteru ; watashiwa anata o aishite imasu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Coreano - Sarang Heyo
Latino - Te amo
Libanes - Bahibak
Lituano - Tave myliu
Noruegues - Jeg Elsker Deg
Romenia - Te ubesk
Russo - Ya tebya liubli
Espanhol - Te quiero / Te amo
Sueco - Jag alskar dig
Tahitiano - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Turquia - Seni Seviyorum
Ukraniano - Ya tebe kahayu
Potuguês - EO TE AMOO.

Yup... The eternal words in all possible languages.. Hehehee

"Some people touch your life and they leave it all the more better, happier and worthwhile.."

Thank you. JOEL.

For making it more liveable.

For giving me hope.

For giving me more reasons to smile.

For just being there.

MOVING ON..........

I have always been hasty and regretful about some decisions in life.

The one decision that I will always regret is breaking up with my ex boyfriend. It was a spontaneous and a prompt decision to just break free from a relationship that had no depth in terms of emotions. I always give in a 100% to any relationship that I am in.. Guess I expect a lot from the person I am involved with. I expect him to give in an 80% if not more. The hasty decision to call things off has still not let me rest in peace. There are vulnerable moments when I look back and realize that in spite of him being very important to me, I never told him how much he meant to me. I don’t know why but I somehow could not express myself to him. This is something that is unheard of when it comes to me because I am one of the most expressive people when it comes to expressing myself. Maybe I took sadistic pleasure in knowing how much he cared for me, maybe I was just plain selfish... Whatever it was, I lost him out of my own inability to make him realize how much he meant to me. This is something that no matter how hard I try I can’t come to peace with myself. I should have told him what I thought and how I felt. I still haven’t been able to get over him but I do realize that maybe he might have moved on. I know that I miss him a lot and that words don’t come easy for people no matter how easy going they are. When someone tells you he loves you, he really means it. I still thought my ex was kidding me. I never responded to those three precious words. And by the time I did, it was too late. There was nothing left between us that those words could do anything about. Only time can heal deep wounds, words can’t heal them. Words can heal superficial wounds but not the deep and intense ones. Thus my words did not heal anything. They just left me more vulnerable than ever. It left me lost and in a state of constant despair. My friends have found my distraught state very difficult to accept, they told me that no guy was worth it. Maybe if I had to give myself advice I would have told myself to let go and move on. But I am not thinking rationally, I am thinking just from my heart and how much things would have been happier if I had still been with my ex or at least I think I would have been happier...

Things went wrong between us a long time back but I still held on to the hope that I will get him back. I was just fooling myself. I held on to a false hope. I doubt I have ever hoped for something this much. I doubt I have cried so much for another person as I have cried for him. There have been so many instances that I have questioned myself what I was doing with him. I asked myself if even remotely he cared for me. I have never been so vulnerable and weak about any other person as I have been for this guy. He has stood me up so many times. There have been weeks when we didn’t speak. And yet I held hope in me. I hoped that he would come back, and I hoped that he would come back stronger and better than ever. But I guess I was wrong and boy, was I wrong bigtime....!!! It shows how stupid I was. Or rather how blinded I was in my own selfishness and his false promises to assess the situation which was happening right in front of me.

I still spend so much time thinking of my first boyfriend. No one gets over the first guy easily and neither can I. The ones who tell you that their first guy mean nothing to them now are either plain lying or else they are beyond emotions. I don’t want to get back to him but I do want to talk to him. Maybe I am kidding myself when I think I can get over him by talking to him, maybe I do want him back. I don’t know. I am so confused and still so caught up in my own struggle to get him out of my head, that I don’t know what will help me not think of him. I can’t even put what I feel into words and express them; if I could I myself would have marveled at the fact that I am amazingly caught up with his thoughts and am in a state of constant indecision and unhappiness. This is because I guess I am not accepting that there is more to life than a guy who doesn’t care now but used to care a lot when he said he did. Even tough I have identified the problem due to which I am in this state; it will be a Herculean task to just let him go... I am not ready to admit it but I am ruled with my heart as well and what people say and do does make a lot of difference to me. I know this guy... At least I think I do... So when he suddenly became so indifferent to me and about everything that concerned me, I was hurt and I was confused... Hopefully I will be able to get out of this cobweb of despair, unhappiness and unease and be at peace with myself knowing that there is more to life than Manuel Miranda...

Wanted to let u guys know that I have moved on... I’m seeing someone much better and very sweet.. This was written ages back... I thought I would post it.. It just might help someone...

SElfishness....

How would u define that word???

I mean people are selfish for so many reasons..... Some do it because they jus wanna be mean... some do it because it brings them some amounts of sadistic pleasure... Some just be selfish coz they r bored... Man.. How low does it get????? I was wondering if what I do can be determined as selfish? What I do does not bring anyone any harm.. Just makes them smile.....

I kinda help people out coz I am selfish.. Not to ask them to return the favour but coz I like to see people smile.. :) I don't know how to perceive of the notion.. I am just as
confused about it as about anything else... But how would it look to another person??? Would u determine my actions to be selfish??? Or would you see it in good light???? I mean today... We got into the bus and I asked this co passenger if she would like me to hold her bag coz I had gotten a seat and she hadn't... Her smile made my day... So would you consider this act as selfish??? Or would you just be plain amused by my interpretation of the situation.... I smile at random people on the road coz In like to see some troubled looking strangers smile back... The thought knowing that I may have been the only person to smile at them all day, fills me with happiness too.... Now, would you call that as selfish????? Or would you determine that as an act of kindness...???? I would like to know, coz I feel that sometimes I am being selfish in this way... But to others... It would just seem like an act of goodness....!!!!