SElfishness....

How would u define that word???

I mean people are selfish for so many reasons..... Some do it because they jus wanna be mean... some do it because it brings them some amounts of sadistic pleasure... Some just be selfish coz they r bored... Man.. How low does it get????? I was wondering if what I do can be determined as selfish? What I do does not bring anyone any harm.. Just makes them smile.....

I kinda help people out coz I am selfish.. Not to ask them to return the favour but coz I like to see people smile.. :) I don't know how to perceive of the notion.. I am just as
confused about it as about anything else... But how would it look to another person??? Would u determine my actions to be selfish??? Or would you see it in good light???? I mean today... We got into the bus and I asked this co passenger if she would like me to hold her bag coz I had gotten a seat and she hadn't... Her smile made my day... So would you consider this act as selfish??? Or would you just be plain amused by my interpretation of the situation.... I smile at random people on the road coz In like to see some troubled looking strangers smile back... The thought knowing that I may have been the only person to smile at them all day, fills me with happiness too.... Now, would you call that as selfish????? Or would you determine that as an act of kindness...???? I would like to know, coz I feel that sometimes I am being selfish in this way... But to others... It would just seem like an act of goodness....!!!!

POEM............



I am miserable, I am upset;
An unsettling silence is borne inside my head
My thoughts are muddled, they are confused
Happiness is something that I want used
More than that, I want my peace of mind back
I want my peace, my solace;
I wish I could find what I needed
I wish I wasn't looked down upon
I don't want to be judged;
I just want you to let me be
I have done nothing to you
Then why do we have this animosity?


I am trying to calm myself down,
To find a peace of being
I want to be heard not judged;
I want to speak not be misunderstood
It is okay if you don't understand me
But don't try to put in false sympathy
Because that will pinch more.
It will bug, pinch and prove uncomfortable
It is fine, I will hold my silence
But don't try to convince me that I am wrong
Sometimes I just want to be heard
So that I can share my pain, my sorrow
I just want to let it all out
The frustration is killing me anyways
It would be fun if life was uncomplicated
Simple, sweet and justified
The pain and the pinch are bad-
Miserable and uncalled for-

I want to find the real me back;
I want to shout with happiness
And scream with laughter-
Instead;
I am shouting in my agony
And screaming in my pain
I need to be held, to be hugged-
I need to be loved,
But most of all-
I need to be understood
I need just one person to extend a hand of concern
Instead I get a million hands of sympathy and pity
I don't need that-
I just need a little love
I need quite some time

If I could I would
But you dont forget someone you love
It isn't easy
The pain refuses to go away
The scattered wounds refuse to heal
Instead it is being cut open daily
Because all the thoughts and memories
That I have of you
Are still there in my head-
I still like you-
I miss you dearly
But looks like you don't;
You, must have gotten over me
Maybe you haven't-
But you mask your emotions so well
And I can't;
They get the better of me quite sometimes
And then people again begin to judge me-
They think I am moody-
I'm misunderstood-
I'm just me-
But I'm also hurt; I'm in pain
And I want to just be me.

But your thoughts don't go away, do they?
They just wait for a vulnerable moment
And then they come back
Bittersweet and unsettling
Every memory, every thought;
Every passing moment
It overwhelms me;
My thoughts go haywire again.
I'm different, I'm complex
And it bugs me differently
I'm frustrated-
In my times of need;
I can't find what I want-

I want that concerned face, that loving heart
That genuine touch-
Instead;
All I get is-
judgmental people,
Politically incorrect tortures
And some "extra selfish" people
Waiting to take advantage of my vulnerability-
What do I do?
This is not what I wanted
Oh! Please someone; anyone
Please come and help me
Because you may just pull me through
The pile of quicksand
Where the more I struggle to escape
The deeper I sink in.

Wrote this poem sometime back...............


Happiness is a god forsaken word,
A word I have come to detest
In the world that I live
It gives no peace and no rest
I walk this imaginary line
And smile upon my false fate
Underlying thorns pierce my world
Underlying visions; my state
I happen to be losing myself
Into a cold, dark and musty lair
I just lie in vain, in sorrow
I quietly bear my despair
What is going wrong about me?
Every word is a slice
What have I done to you?What invites this malice?
I sit and just ponder
My thoughts are way too confused
I am trying to understand
But the more I try,the more I diffuse.
My family have their own way,
My friends have turned me to shame
My heart is cold and lonely
My thoughts are going in vain
I am sick of it all,
I just want to break free
Break up all these binding chains
And maybe then I'll find Thee
In the meantime just what do I do?
Where do I go and what do I see?
My mind is a speck of dust
Hell Lord, I need to be free.
I was in need of an easy way
I just wanted to be out
I will try my best
I henceforth will keep my mouth shut.
I am in pain and in sorrow
And words aren't truly enough,
I am levying on my best behavior
And maybe I'll win clear cut.
All I know is that
The pain has a meaning
It gives me hope to think
That I'll find a new beginning.
Finally I'll settle down
Calm my heart and vanish my frown,
I'll seek calmness and serenity
I'll find solace, I'll find eternity.
When nirvana shall belong to me
I will find a place to be
And in that place
Happiness will find itself a place to be.

READ THIS SOMEWHERE!!

HILARIOUS!!

NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLEElement: WOMEN

Symbol: WO+Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stonesand absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD
Illegal to possess more than one

NO OFFENCE MEANT FOR ANYONE!! SHOULD BE TAKEN IN GOOD HUMOUR!!

Well for all of you people who don't know me very well, I have a very serious, deadly and an extremly wild imagination!!! I tend to think of the most awesome of things at the absolute awesome moments!!! Any one challenging me, beware!! Check out my wandering thoughts..This happened while I was halfway through my E.D. class!!

I was the first one to finish the problem that sir had given and my partner Barkha; my partner in crime was still completing the problem... So I let my imagination wander freely...

Lots of people have pets. Dogs, cats, mice....... What if someone has a pet donkey........???? Don't laugh! What if one child had a pet donkey? Every day the child goes to school and he leaves his donkey at home. The poor donkey is left alone all day and is united with his master at the end of the day. One day the child is left thinking how lonely and sad his donkey must feel being left alone all day at home. The next day he makes up his mind to take his donkey to school. He gets up in the morning and takes the donkey to school. He reaches early and then he realises that it shall be embarrassing for him to turn up with a donkey in front of all his friends. He looks about to see if anyone had seen him and walks straight to his class. He is the only one there. He tells his donkey, "look I'll have to keep you somewhere else all my friends will tease me. " It clicks him that the student cupboard is always empty. It is a big but more or less unused cupboard and he pushes his donkey in and tells the poor thing not to be scared as he was about! Slowly his friends start turning up in class and he is parying that his donkey doesn't do anything. The teacher enters the class and all the students are engrossed in their chapter. Now the poor donkey is getting bored in the student cupboard all by himself. It is quite hot and stifling. He wanted to go elsewhere where it was more comfortable. He starts braying. Suddenly in between the class he goes,"HEE HAW HEE HAW"!! There is stunned silence all around. The teacher inquires,"What was that?" The chlid stands up and answers, "THATS MY ASS"!!!


Now tell me do you have an even wilder imagination...............?????????????

Had a long day today and it has not yet come to an end!! Got up at ten feeling like a drug addict because I haven't been getting enough sleep off late!! Was up till about 4 the previous night and I had class at 7 in the morning! My alarm went off at 6 and I literally had to pry my eyes open!! LOL! I put the alarm on snooze and when it rang out for the 3rd time my dad woke up(I was still sleeping like a log!!) I handed my cell over to him and told him that I couldn't go for the class and peacefully went back to sleep... There are power cuts at my place from 8 in the morning to about 10:30. I woke up at ten with my landline ringing like a fog horn near my ears! I struggled out of bed and picked it up only to get a dial tone in my ears! Fortunately for me, I remembered that Rasika was supposed to call up and I gave her a ring back!!

After that I freshened up and went and lounged about the sofa. My ma told me that she was going to my sister's school to pick up her results. In the meanwhile dad was also leaving for office. My only company in my place with my maid!! She loves to talk and today I really wasn't inclined to listen to her. Somehow I did; willing the electricity to come soon so that
I could idlest have a valid excuse to run!! I look at my clock and it reads 11!! There is no sign of any electricity in my place... Cursing the entire MSEB and my bad luck, I go over to my room hoping that I can find something to do in the meanwhile! AAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................!!!
My maid was there! She was hanging up clothes there!! Ohh shit!! I gotta run else she'll start with her talks! She speaks in rapid marathi and her dialect is different from the one I am used to. As a result; I don't get half of her words. The frustration of not having electricity, an extremely helpful but talkative maid combined with the lack of sleep!! My face!! You should have seen it!!It would have made your day!! I looked like I was undergoing the most horrific of tortures and trust me; I was!!

In the meanwhile, my ma and my sis have come back and yet there are no signs of any electricity at my place..... My sister's result was terrific. 91% average!!!! Damn....!!! My maid is exceptionally happy to see my ma and her chatter increases three fold!! My sister is excitedly rattling the names of all the people in her class for the next year and god alone knows what else....... My lazy friend is giving me missed calls wanting me to call up and someone is getting the wrong number and I'm getting calls for some hospital at my place instead!! By the way, THERE IS STILL NO ELECTRICITY!!! I am getting a little desperate!! I call up Vishnu thinking he can cheer me up; which he does. The only hitch is that about a million people are calling up on the landline including a couple of wrong numbers!!!! Somehow after disconnecting the phone for the umpteenth time I tell myself; Vishnu will have to wait! But where the hell is the current.......????????? Damn MSEB! I was about to gather all the profanity I know to abuse MSEB when suddenly.......................................
....................................aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
My fan is working!! Ahhhhhh............. That was pure heaven!! That was just 12 'o' clock in the afternoon and it already seemed to me as if I was done with the entire day!!!

I have been in an exceptionally extra, super super happy mood for the last few days and I dont know why....!!!! Evreytime i tell my friends that im in a happy happy happy mood; all they say is you mean gay gay gay mood, and yes; all pun intended!! I went to my friend's place yesterday to console the poor guy who has been going through a difficult few days. i managed to cheer him up with considerable help from Archie as well. In the end Anish declared that he was a lot better and that he was grateful for the effort that was put in! Perfect end to a perfect day...
I came home and slept quite late doing timepass and studying at the same time!(don't ask me how!!) As usual got up late today and whiled away precious time!! I caught up with a couple of friends over the net and spent some more time doing nothing at all, when i should be studying for my exams. My exams are breathing down my neck and slowly it shall start spreading it's icy cold hands over my neck while the fingers slowly tighten their grip on me!!(Naa... not trying to scare you people!!) I had class in the evening and I have just returned home finishing a four hour class and boy oh boy, my neck does hurt! I have not yet had dinner and my ma is frowning at me! So i got to run as I sure her temper is boiling over!! Dinner..........

Dance Bars............


the courts decision to reopen the flourishing business of the dance bars has been met upon by many with worried and uneasy looks. it is common belief that prostitution is rampant in these bars and that the morals of the society are brought to shame. however when these very same dancers are unemployed they will take up to prostitution. no one employs them, they are just left to fend for themselves in a world where no one gives a damn about anyone. they are not given three months salary or any letter for their time there. no one cares anymore. not every one there goes into prostitution, many there just go to dance. the minister's interest in petitioning to the high court is stupid and uncalled for. just shows that they want to close this down because they cant stop themselves from going into that. shows that these people have no control over themselves and they can't resist temptation. closing down the bars in the name of moral policing makes no sense in a democratic country. what is the point of democracy if people are not free to choose their own occupation? there is no point in living in a democratic country at all. god help us.