Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww, take me back to the start



:)
Coldplay.. Yipeeee...!!!

:)


Sometimes you seem fun,
Sometimes sweet,
But there are times when you are so distant,
So far, n so different..
A stranger even,
Just when I think I know you,
You change,
I like that..
It makes the entire thing more challenging;
Figuring you out more fun,
Keep evolving,
I'll almost notice the difference;

And that will keep me happy!

TWISTED WHISPERS!!!!

Isha and I (read Isha and I; jobless and bored); one afternoon decided with Gothic names. Yes, you might have come across this link somewhere, giving you a gothic name, which seems evil, scary but something you don't want to admit, exists!! :D Well, the basic concept about the entire name thingy is that you type in your name and you get your gothic version of it. Some of it is fun, some stupid and some, err... abusive.

The stuff Isha and I got were:

• Twisted Whispers
• Latex Freak
• Flirting With Suicide (niceeee!!)
  
• Dancing Corpse
• Evil Queen
• Disturbed Angel
  
• Cob Webbed Crotch!!!!!!!
  
• Dessicated corpse
• Vicious Gurl
• Violent Sex Addict (Don't ask!!)
• Static Pulse
• Homicidal Maniac
  
• Bitter Beauty
• Gilded Crotch (Ya, whatever :P)
• Bloody Angel
• Velvet Kisses
• Dead Pleasures
• Trauma ( :D)
  
• Beautiful Scars
• Leather Pleasure
  
• Panic Queen
• Withered Waste
• Twisted Illusions (I like!!)
• Toxic Tears (I'm crying already :D)
• Liquid Vamp
  
• Kittie Corpse (How'd the poor cat die?)
• Morbid Mistress
• Deadly Whispers
• Velvet Vamp
• Pixie Corpse
  
• Homicidal Maniac
• Damaged Roses (wtf!!)
• Faerie Corpse
• Bloody Kisses
• Bitter Beauty
  
• Heavenly Demonic
• Mummified Corpse
• Sedated
• Liquid Fantasy :D
• Velvet Rain Drops
• Beautifully Decayed (rofl)
• Midnight Temptress
  
• Death Mask
• Vicious Tongue
  
• Liquid Skin (Whoa baby!!)
  
• Velvet Tears
• Dessicated corpse
  
• Violent Beauty
  
• Bloody Tears
• Dead on Arrival (I like!!!!)

Btw Santa Claus is Mummified Corpse

But Santa Clause is Velvet Vamp!!

I got Twisted whispers for moi name!! Interesting I tell you :P


I'm giving you the link below, amuse yourself and I hold no responsibility if something comes up which you don't like, which is abusive or which doesn't make any sense..!! :D Also, the link should be preferably used by 16+ people.. Just to b on the safer side.. Happy Gothic name hunting :)


http://www.necroticobsession.com/gothname.html

???

We all try to live in this place
A place of vehement confusion
A place where each is his own
Too many trials and too much treason

We all try to be happy
And get out of our unhappy state
But there are too many lies
And too much deception
Happiness, frustrates

We all have this cold, dark lair
Which surrounds us and fills us up
This becomes our shelter and our cocoon
A place to just sink in

Try and run away from the anxiety
Try and escape gloom
Try and fight misery
The reason we exist,
Why we die so soon

I look myself in the mirror
And see a ghostly reflection back
My identity isn’t me at all
The whole world’s a sham,
Its just black

There are these desperate times
When I just want to break away
The reflection isn’t mine anymore
Where the path, the way?

The reason I exist,
The reason I live,
It all seems so vague and so insignificant
The world is a big, wide place to be

And in that huge place,
What am I doing there?
I am afterall;
Just li’l ol’ me.

Don't wanna hear the news
What's going on
What's coming through
I don't wanna know
Don't wanna know
Just wanna hide away
Make my escape
I want the world
To leave me alone
Feels like I feel too much
I've seen too much
For a little while
I want to forget

I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be
Wanna be numb

Numb by the pet shop boys.. :)
Amazing song, amazing lyrics..
This kinda left me in a trance... WOW :)

I want to thank these people for all that they have done for me over sometime in the recent past. Thankuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)

1. Ma: For being the best judge, the best critic, the most patient and loving individual in the world to me. FOr being the best cook, for being the best dress maker, for being the person who notices each and every change, for understanding my need for space and individuality, for just understanding me. Yayy mom!!
2. Dad: For being an epitome of calmness, serenity and for being the progressive hip dad!! For giving me my independence way before other dad's knew what was the true meaning of that word, for giving me countless lollypops, ice creams and chocolates. For making my bed, for letting me drive, for letting me get home at 12 30 in the morning; no questions asked, for giving me those hugs when I need them, for letting me hug you on impulse coz I feel like it, for tickling me, for being quite amazed at how much I get tickled, for accepting me the way I am. Thank you baba. :)
   
3. Shubhra: For fighting with me each and every single day. It makes me realise how much you love me and makes me understand the unique bonding between sisters.FOr calling me at 10 30 in the night when I wasn't home because you missed me and wanted to wish me goodnight, for you sudden impulses when you want to give me a hug, for all those days when you just wanted some attention, for all the times we pull faces and makes stupid sounds and just poke out the tongue!!! These times, when looked back upon are truly unforgettable and extremely memorable. THank u:)
   
4. Ayan: For being the best cousin in the world. FOr patiently hearing out all my childish fears, my insecurities, temper tantrums and still giving me the best advice anyone could. For writing me a five page letter to tell me to calm down and face up the challenges in life. For being my only confidant through the troublesome teenage years. Thanks.
5. Isha: For being one of the most amazing people in the world. For hearing me crib, seeing me cry, sorting out my insecurities, for long walks, for lotsa talks [even though u talk a lot more than I do ;)] , for sending me smses in the middle of the night 'cause I told you I wasn't well and I needed some comfort, for laughing together, for hogging out together. To all the shopping in Bandra, for eating heavenly pastries in Biona, for being one of the people I really look upto. For just being there. FOr being one half of my best friends.Thanks.
6. Rasika: For being my biggest partner in crime. For comforting me, for telling me I can and must improve, for lots of aimless roamings, for long phone talks, for sleepovers, for just being there. Not to mention; for fighting with me. Thanks :P
7. Nimit: For being the other half of my best friends. FOr being the only person who tells me each and every single day how much u love me. For hearing "Shut up or get lost"every single time u say that! For telling me to get an Accord soon. For talking to me every time I needed someone to talk to, for taking long walks, for stupid phone conversations, for turning up late, for telling me I am a scholar, to just being there for me UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! Thank u.. For being the only person I can call up, give no explanation and say dude, I need some comfort and I need some now..!! ANd to get the needed comfort, no questions asked. It takes a big person for that to happen. THanks :)
8. Archana: For being one of the nicest people about. Even though we have had our differences in the recent past, you have been one of my closest buddies in college. FOr all the times hanging out together, calling each other names, countless reasons to laugh (rem'r mauhalle ke kutton ko bhagane ke liye joke!!), hanging out in CCD, late night phone calls, the Rock show in St. Francis.. Yup; all of that.. FOr all those memorable times.. THankuu...
9. Mihir: For being good to me, for long phone talks, for hearing me crib, for seeing me cry, for hearing out my worries and fears, for calling up all the time, for your concern and care, for telling me I am the only person you trust in college [have u any clue how awesome that sounds!!], for coming all the way to Tardeo woth me to eat pav bhaji ;), for telling me that you would be the first person to beat me up if I boozed [yaz, I am shit scared now!! Look at your size! :P] and ya, for giving me a rating of 8/10!!! Yipee!! Thankuuu :)
10. Joel: Hmm, for never showing up on time, for being the biggest foodie I have seen to date[This guy hogged in McD's, then we hogged up a sizzler, then a pizza and he was still hungry!!! :O], for long treks, for hearing me out, for all the care and affection, for being a sport and going with me to Mount Mary's [On a seriously shitty, rainy day], for all the hogging in different locales, for being one of the reasons I have so many scraps in Orkut [He started it all, blame him for the amount of scraps I have!! ;)], for drooling with me over a variety of gizmos, for cheering me up when I was down, for screwing up my sleeping cycle[thats his language, not mine!!], for understanding me, for telling me I am too good to be true..!!![Wow, thats something you dont hear everyday!!] Thankuuu...

To all these people, you guys have touched my life and changed it in countless ways that I cannot explain.. THanK you.. :) You guys mean a lot to me.. :)

In my moments of sadness, I have found comfort in the most unlikely of things... When I posted the WHY ME post, I was at one of my lowest lows... Thats a lot to say, considering I am a hardcore optimist... I have had the most unlikely choice of people; people who know both me and my friend come n tell me to put in a brave smile n hang on... This is what makes life worth living.. This is what gives you a reason to move on, to forget the past.. no matter how much it overwhelms you in times of vulnerability... I apologise to the people who thought I was being selfish or that I was mean or whatever... This is how I am.. When something is bothering me.. I write... To all of you who havent been there to support me; but to criticise upon the topic.. I COULDN'T care any less for you.. Yes, my friend is an amazing person, a wonderful human being and an absolutely awesome friend.. She hasn't been all that to me... Atleast now she isn't. I am writing this to let you people know; before you judge me for writing upon a public blog; do realise that I must have been hurt bigtime to vent out my feelings...

I am truly daddy's girl. No; don't get me wrong, he doesn't sit and stand upon my beck and call but I guess in someways I truly am daddy's girl...!!! Right from being named by him to all the ice creams and lolly pops; I have too many memories associated with daddy. He is a man that I look upto, tremendously respect and at the same time can share my thoughts and feelings with him without thinking twice..!!!

I was once lost in my own world about how dad would take it when me n my sis got married and settled off somewhere else, some place far away from he was. I mean, when I used to go on school trips, may it be overnight or for a couple of days; I knew that dad didn't take it well.. So this one day; ages back I sat and wrote down this poem which I intended to give dad the day I have to leave, married n all.. I dont know why I am posting this here, because it is something that is very close to my heart and one of my most heartfelt poems....

The first man in my life

I have always been your little girl
For the past sixteen or so years
And, one day I'll grow up, big and strong
Into this sensuous woman I've dream't for so long

And then will come one day, one long, hard day
When you have to let me go, say goodbye
Because another man is staking his claims on me
And that shall be the hardest day dad, this I guarantee

And then I'll know how strong you are
For you have to let go of this little girl
The one you sat upon your shoulders and told
Funny, deep and scary stories, new and old

That's when dad I'll understand the pain of parting
But I'll also realise the importance of understanding
Loving the first man in my life
And I know now why you are my inspiring light

You, I'll understand my dear loving father
Are the best man for me, except for that other man you see
And even when I leave this house to part far from you
Remember dad that there is no man as great as you.

I hope you will know in those times when I have hurt you,
I may have not realised the pain I inflicted upon you
But as I write these words of apology and love
Dad you will always be the first man I loved.

Ummm... WHY ME?

Has it ever happened that one fine day.. one of your closest and nicest friends, change? Change not for the better but for the worse?? And then only talk to you when they have work; which most probably only you can help them with?? WHY??

Why is it that it doesn't strike them that they are being selfish?? Or is it that overnight the wonderful person you knew changed into a selfish snob? How does it happen that people just stop caring for someone? Or is it that they still care but think it would be too stupid of them to let the other person know that they still cared? Or would it mean that you would have to let your pride droop a li'l??? Or is it that suddenly we have no place in your life..!! Or maybe it is just that we haven't yet stopped caring!!!!

I have this friend or rather had this friend XXX. (Name not written to protect her identity but I couldn't care less!) The entire college knew how good friends we were. We would hang out together, go home together, hang out at each other's place... Basically all the stuff that pretty good friends do... Two semesters we spent laughing together, cracking sad jokes, acting drunk, teasing each other, being there for each other.... Semester three started off well.. I mean we are in different branches but like we cared.. We would wait up for each other if one of us were left early n stuff like that.. But stuff changed... Our friend circle expanded to accommodate new classmates and also to try and maintain the old ones... Thats not easy n I admit that but that doesn't mean that we can't try.. The beginning of semester 3 saw us pretty normal n stuff.. Problems started once all the extra curricular activities started... There was our college fest, robo making which involves a lot of time, Y.F.E. protests etc... I didn't take a very active part in them because I wasn't keeping well and this girl goes for all of these and apparently makes new best friends overnight..!!! Suddenly so many people in college know so many personal details in my life...!!!! I was shocked..!! Upon questioning her she just tells me she thought I might have told all these people I hardly know personal details..!!! She was apologetic but WTF!!!! You dont say stuff to people because you think they might know about something..!! You especially dont say stuff that is of a personal nature and especially not if that is not yours..!!!!

This raised quite a few warning bells in my head.. But I chose to ignore them. I gave her the benefit of doubt. Then more shit happens.. We hardly meet in college, talk or for that matter, do ANYTHING!!!!! Then it so happens that I invite her over to my place for Ganpati. She told me that there was Ganpati in her building as well and that the youngsters there organised it and hence she wouldn't be able to come to my place. I didn't give it another thought until another fellow from college turned up. he told me that this girl had gone to Prayag's n Dhiraj's place because they had Ganpati there!!!! OUCH!!!! That hurt..!! I laughed it off.. I thought this fellow was kidding me... Turns out he wasn't..!!!! I wouldn't have said anything if she had told me that she had already told these guys that she was going to their place.. No issues at all... But she didn't have to lie to me.. I would have understood... But the lie kinda killed it all... Stuff was already not smooth sailing between us.. n then this happens!!!! N then the ultimate.. This girl has the hots for some senior who apparently liked her back... I stick with her all day long hearing her worries and her apprehension about if things moight work out between them and the gratitude I got was she telling me at the end of the day, "Don't interfere in my life..."

Man, how much can u take me for granted?? I'm not a heartless stone you know.. I have feelings.. N ya, I DO GET HURT!!! Why is it so that you people don't get it??? She has not apologised for that incident and she hasn't bothered about it.. I had to take the initiative.. SUCKS bigtime... N then her only words are, "Lets start over". Well.. we never did get off to a start.. the guy who she was worried about and all, well they re going out.. so madam never has time for us people anymore... And her reason is "It is a new relationship, I need to give it time."
Fine, dude.. Give it time.. But not such that you alienate your friends...!!! Prioritise stuff girl..!! But guess that never happens does it???

I know I might be sounding jealous and stupid to try and get her friendship back.. Maybe I am stupid to do so.. But I just don't stop caring overnight... I can't.. I am not built that way! And to add fuel to the fire, her boyfriend has decided to take my case because he is plain dumb I guess. OR maybe he is trying to win over appreciation. But when he says stuff like "Nobody who knows you can stand you for one second", you go back to your first words.. "WHY ME????"

My Favourite Poem.. By Robert Frost.. :)

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it's queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Dunno what to say... These are the few lines making rounds in my head...

People come and people go...

A couple of them change you forever,

And when least expected,

If they walk out on you....

You feel the pinch,

You feel the pain,

You are so hurt

Blinding is a small word to use...

An arrow pierces your entire being

An arrow marked by helplessness

Pain, grief, despair and hurt

When finally someone offers you a rose,

To ease your aching hurt,

You take it and cling onto it for dear life...

That becomes your hope,

Your warmth, your smile...

But you have to realize that the rose will wilt

It is after all a rose...

And when it does...

You are once again struck by grief...

But there is also comfort in knowing

That you had the rose

And that the roe petals are preserved

In the dearest corner of your heart...

The pain then slowly starts reducing...

But the loss of something very close, very dear

That is always there...

And maybe that shall be the reason

You think twice the next time...

Before you take that rose...

20 things I want to do before I am 25... :P

1. Go BUngEe JumPing...
2. Get a TattOO
3. Create a PaIntINg
4. Go to a ColdPLay ConCErt
5. Go for a MidNIght WalK on a dEsErtEd IslANd
6. PaRaSAil
7. Visit FIji
8. Tell people how much they MeAN to me.. All of them... ;)
9. LEarn SkaTebOArdiNg
10. bUY meSelF oNe of those hONdA beAUtiEs *winks winks n winks again!!*
11. wrItE a leTTeR and thRow it Out to the SEa in a boTTle..!!!
12. go for a CRuiSe
13. but me a DesignEr oUtFit.. (ya, one of those extremely expensive, dont make sense ones..!!)
14. go trEkKIng with all my CousINs
15. lEarN anotHEr lanGUage...
16. get myselF a jOB with an oUTraGeouS payCHeck and even more outRageous pERks..!!
17. dO a tRIbal dance with the TRibals..!!!!
18. lEarn to SalSa... (in a sexy red dress n with the rose in my mouth...!!!)
19. leARn to say NO to people!!
20. get myself a dog.. :)

yup thats my expectation from myself in the next couple of years..!!! lesse how many i fulfill..!!!

I came across this on a profile in Orkut... Not being as multilinguistic as I would hope to be I found this quite amusing.. ;)


Africano - Ek het jou lief
Arabe - Arabe - Ana behibek
Búlgaro - Obicham te
Chines Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalao - T'estimo
Croacia - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Dinamarques - Jeg Elsker Dig
Holandes - Ik hou van jo
English - I love you
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Filipino - Mahal kita
Frances - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Alemao - Ich liebe dich
Grego - S'agapo
Havaiano - Aloha wau ia oi
Ebreu - Ani ohev otah
India - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hungria - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Indonesia - Saya cinta padamu
Italiano - Ti amo
Japones - Aishiteru ; watashiwa anata o aishite imasu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Coreano - Sarang Heyo
Latino - Te amo
Libanes - Bahibak
Lituano - Tave myliu
Noruegues - Jeg Elsker Deg
Romenia - Te ubesk
Russo - Ya tebya liubli
Espanhol - Te quiero / Te amo
Sueco - Jag alskar dig
Tahitiano - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Turquia - Seni Seviyorum
Ukraniano - Ya tebe kahayu
Potuguês - EO TE AMOO.

Yup... The eternal words in all possible languages.. Hehehee

"Some people touch your life and they leave it all the more better, happier and worthwhile.."

Thank you. JOEL.

For making it more liveable.

For giving me hope.

For giving me more reasons to smile.

For just being there.

MOVING ON..........

I have always been hasty and regretful about some decisions in life.

The one decision that I will always regret is breaking up with my ex boyfriend. It was a spontaneous and a prompt decision to just break free from a relationship that had no depth in terms of emotions. I always give in a 100% to any relationship that I am in.. Guess I expect a lot from the person I am involved with. I expect him to give in an 80% if not more. The hasty decision to call things off has still not let me rest in peace. There are vulnerable moments when I look back and realize that in spite of him being very important to me, I never told him how much he meant to me. I don’t know why but I somehow could not express myself to him. This is something that is unheard of when it comes to me because I am one of the most expressive people when it comes to expressing myself. Maybe I took sadistic pleasure in knowing how much he cared for me, maybe I was just plain selfish... Whatever it was, I lost him out of my own inability to make him realize how much he meant to me. This is something that no matter how hard I try I can’t come to peace with myself. I should have told him what I thought and how I felt. I still haven’t been able to get over him but I do realize that maybe he might have moved on. I know that I miss him a lot and that words don’t come easy for people no matter how easy going they are. When someone tells you he loves you, he really means it. I still thought my ex was kidding me. I never responded to those three precious words. And by the time I did, it was too late. There was nothing left between us that those words could do anything about. Only time can heal deep wounds, words can’t heal them. Words can heal superficial wounds but not the deep and intense ones. Thus my words did not heal anything. They just left me more vulnerable than ever. It left me lost and in a state of constant despair. My friends have found my distraught state very difficult to accept, they told me that no guy was worth it. Maybe if I had to give myself advice I would have told myself to let go and move on. But I am not thinking rationally, I am thinking just from my heart and how much things would have been happier if I had still been with my ex or at least I think I would have been happier...

Things went wrong between us a long time back but I still held on to the hope that I will get him back. I was just fooling myself. I held on to a false hope. I doubt I have ever hoped for something this much. I doubt I have cried so much for another person as I have cried for him. There have been so many instances that I have questioned myself what I was doing with him. I asked myself if even remotely he cared for me. I have never been so vulnerable and weak about any other person as I have been for this guy. He has stood me up so many times. There have been weeks when we didn’t speak. And yet I held hope in me. I hoped that he would come back, and I hoped that he would come back stronger and better than ever. But I guess I was wrong and boy, was I wrong bigtime....!!! It shows how stupid I was. Or rather how blinded I was in my own selfishness and his false promises to assess the situation which was happening right in front of me.

I still spend so much time thinking of my first boyfriend. No one gets over the first guy easily and neither can I. The ones who tell you that their first guy mean nothing to them now are either plain lying or else they are beyond emotions. I don’t want to get back to him but I do want to talk to him. Maybe I am kidding myself when I think I can get over him by talking to him, maybe I do want him back. I don’t know. I am so confused and still so caught up in my own struggle to get him out of my head, that I don’t know what will help me not think of him. I can’t even put what I feel into words and express them; if I could I myself would have marveled at the fact that I am amazingly caught up with his thoughts and am in a state of constant indecision and unhappiness. This is because I guess I am not accepting that there is more to life than a guy who doesn’t care now but used to care a lot when he said he did. Even tough I have identified the problem due to which I am in this state; it will be a Herculean task to just let him go... I am not ready to admit it but I am ruled with my heart as well and what people say and do does make a lot of difference to me. I know this guy... At least I think I do... So when he suddenly became so indifferent to me and about everything that concerned me, I was hurt and I was confused... Hopefully I will be able to get out of this cobweb of despair, unhappiness and unease and be at peace with myself knowing that there is more to life than Manuel Miranda...

Wanted to let u guys know that I have moved on... I’m seeing someone much better and very sweet.. This was written ages back... I thought I would post it.. It just might help someone...

SElfishness....

How would u define that word???

I mean people are selfish for so many reasons..... Some do it because they jus wanna be mean... some do it because it brings them some amounts of sadistic pleasure... Some just be selfish coz they r bored... Man.. How low does it get????? I was wondering if what I do can be determined as selfish? What I do does not bring anyone any harm.. Just makes them smile.....

I kinda help people out coz I am selfish.. Not to ask them to return the favour but coz I like to see people smile.. :) I don't know how to perceive of the notion.. I am just as
confused about it as about anything else... But how would it look to another person??? Would u determine my actions to be selfish??? Or would you see it in good light???? I mean today... We got into the bus and I asked this co passenger if she would like me to hold her bag coz I had gotten a seat and she hadn't... Her smile made my day... So would you consider this act as selfish??? Or would you just be plain amused by my interpretation of the situation.... I smile at random people on the road coz In like to see some troubled looking strangers smile back... The thought knowing that I may have been the only person to smile at them all day, fills me with happiness too.... Now, would you call that as selfish????? Or would you determine that as an act of kindness...???? I would like to know, coz I feel that sometimes I am being selfish in this way... But to others... It would just seem like an act of goodness....!!!!

POEM............



I am miserable, I am upset;
An unsettling silence is borne inside my head
My thoughts are muddled, they are confused
Happiness is something that I want used
More than that, I want my peace of mind back
I want my peace, my solace;
I wish I could find what I needed
I wish I wasn't looked down upon
I don't want to be judged;
I just want you to let me be
I have done nothing to you
Then why do we have this animosity?


I am trying to calm myself down,
To find a peace of being
I want to be heard not judged;
I want to speak not be misunderstood
It is okay if you don't understand me
But don't try to put in false sympathy
Because that will pinch more.
It will bug, pinch and prove uncomfortable
It is fine, I will hold my silence
But don't try to convince me that I am wrong
Sometimes I just want to be heard
So that I can share my pain, my sorrow
I just want to let it all out
The frustration is killing me anyways
It would be fun if life was uncomplicated
Simple, sweet and justified
The pain and the pinch are bad-
Miserable and uncalled for-

I want to find the real me back;
I want to shout with happiness
And scream with laughter-
Instead;
I am shouting in my agony
And screaming in my pain
I need to be held, to be hugged-
I need to be loved,
But most of all-
I need to be understood
I need just one person to extend a hand of concern
Instead I get a million hands of sympathy and pity
I don't need that-
I just need a little love
I need quite some time

If I could I would
But you dont forget someone you love
It isn't easy
The pain refuses to go away
The scattered wounds refuse to heal
Instead it is being cut open daily
Because all the thoughts and memories
That I have of you
Are still there in my head-
I still like you-
I miss you dearly
But looks like you don't;
You, must have gotten over me
Maybe you haven't-
But you mask your emotions so well
And I can't;
They get the better of me quite sometimes
And then people again begin to judge me-
They think I am moody-
I'm misunderstood-
I'm just me-
But I'm also hurt; I'm in pain
And I want to just be me.

But your thoughts don't go away, do they?
They just wait for a vulnerable moment
And then they come back
Bittersweet and unsettling
Every memory, every thought;
Every passing moment
It overwhelms me;
My thoughts go haywire again.
I'm different, I'm complex
And it bugs me differently
I'm frustrated-
In my times of need;
I can't find what I want-

I want that concerned face, that loving heart
That genuine touch-
Instead;
All I get is-
judgmental people,
Politically incorrect tortures
And some "extra selfish" people
Waiting to take advantage of my vulnerability-
What do I do?
This is not what I wanted
Oh! Please someone; anyone
Please come and help me
Because you may just pull me through
The pile of quicksand
Where the more I struggle to escape
The deeper I sink in.

Wrote this poem sometime back...............


Happiness is a god forsaken word,
A word I have come to detest
In the world that I live
It gives no peace and no rest
I walk this imaginary line
And smile upon my false fate
Underlying thorns pierce my world
Underlying visions; my state
I happen to be losing myself
Into a cold, dark and musty lair
I just lie in vain, in sorrow
I quietly bear my despair
What is going wrong about me?
Every word is a slice
What have I done to you?What invites this malice?
I sit and just ponder
My thoughts are way too confused
I am trying to understand
But the more I try,the more I diffuse.
My family have their own way,
My friends have turned me to shame
My heart is cold and lonely
My thoughts are going in vain
I am sick of it all,
I just want to break free
Break up all these binding chains
And maybe then I'll find Thee
In the meantime just what do I do?
Where do I go and what do I see?
My mind is a speck of dust
Hell Lord, I need to be free.
I was in need of an easy way
I just wanted to be out
I will try my best
I henceforth will keep my mouth shut.
I am in pain and in sorrow
And words aren't truly enough,
I am levying on my best behavior
And maybe I'll win clear cut.
All I know is that
The pain has a meaning
It gives me hope to think
That I'll find a new beginning.
Finally I'll settle down
Calm my heart and vanish my frown,
I'll seek calmness and serenity
I'll find solace, I'll find eternity.
When nirvana shall belong to me
I will find a place to be
And in that place
Happiness will find itself a place to be.

READ THIS SOMEWHERE!!

HILARIOUS!!

NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLEElement: WOMEN

Symbol: WO+Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stonesand absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD
Illegal to possess more than one

NO OFFENCE MEANT FOR ANYONE!! SHOULD BE TAKEN IN GOOD HUMOUR!!

Well for all of you people who don't know me very well, I have a very serious, deadly and an extremly wild imagination!!! I tend to think of the most awesome of things at the absolute awesome moments!!! Any one challenging me, beware!! Check out my wandering thoughts..This happened while I was halfway through my E.D. class!!

I was the first one to finish the problem that sir had given and my partner Barkha; my partner in crime was still completing the problem... So I let my imagination wander freely...

Lots of people have pets. Dogs, cats, mice....... What if someone has a pet donkey........???? Don't laugh! What if one child had a pet donkey? Every day the child goes to school and he leaves his donkey at home. The poor donkey is left alone all day and is united with his master at the end of the day. One day the child is left thinking how lonely and sad his donkey must feel being left alone all day at home. The next day he makes up his mind to take his donkey to school. He gets up in the morning and takes the donkey to school. He reaches early and then he realises that it shall be embarrassing for him to turn up with a donkey in front of all his friends. He looks about to see if anyone had seen him and walks straight to his class. He is the only one there. He tells his donkey, "look I'll have to keep you somewhere else all my friends will tease me. " It clicks him that the student cupboard is always empty. It is a big but more or less unused cupboard and he pushes his donkey in and tells the poor thing not to be scared as he was about! Slowly his friends start turning up in class and he is parying that his donkey doesn't do anything. The teacher enters the class and all the students are engrossed in their chapter. Now the poor donkey is getting bored in the student cupboard all by himself. It is quite hot and stifling. He wanted to go elsewhere where it was more comfortable. He starts braying. Suddenly in between the class he goes,"HEE HAW HEE HAW"!! There is stunned silence all around. The teacher inquires,"What was that?" The chlid stands up and answers, "THATS MY ASS"!!!


Now tell me do you have an even wilder imagination...............?????????????

Had a long day today and it has not yet come to an end!! Got up at ten feeling like a drug addict because I haven't been getting enough sleep off late!! Was up till about 4 the previous night and I had class at 7 in the morning! My alarm went off at 6 and I literally had to pry my eyes open!! LOL! I put the alarm on snooze and when it rang out for the 3rd time my dad woke up(I was still sleeping like a log!!) I handed my cell over to him and told him that I couldn't go for the class and peacefully went back to sleep... There are power cuts at my place from 8 in the morning to about 10:30. I woke up at ten with my landline ringing like a fog horn near my ears! I struggled out of bed and picked it up only to get a dial tone in my ears! Fortunately for me, I remembered that Rasika was supposed to call up and I gave her a ring back!!

After that I freshened up and went and lounged about the sofa. My ma told me that she was going to my sister's school to pick up her results. In the meanwhile dad was also leaving for office. My only company in my place with my maid!! She loves to talk and today I really wasn't inclined to listen to her. Somehow I did; willing the electricity to come soon so that
I could idlest have a valid excuse to run!! I look at my clock and it reads 11!! There is no sign of any electricity in my place... Cursing the entire MSEB and my bad luck, I go over to my room hoping that I can find something to do in the meanwhile! AAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................!!!
My maid was there! She was hanging up clothes there!! Ohh shit!! I gotta run else she'll start with her talks! She speaks in rapid marathi and her dialect is different from the one I am used to. As a result; I don't get half of her words. The frustration of not having electricity, an extremely helpful but talkative maid combined with the lack of sleep!! My face!! You should have seen it!!It would have made your day!! I looked like I was undergoing the most horrific of tortures and trust me; I was!!

In the meanwhile, my ma and my sis have come back and yet there are no signs of any electricity at my place..... My sister's result was terrific. 91% average!!!! Damn....!!! My maid is exceptionally happy to see my ma and her chatter increases three fold!! My sister is excitedly rattling the names of all the people in her class for the next year and god alone knows what else....... My lazy friend is giving me missed calls wanting me to call up and someone is getting the wrong number and I'm getting calls for some hospital at my place instead!! By the way, THERE IS STILL NO ELECTRICITY!!! I am getting a little desperate!! I call up Vishnu thinking he can cheer me up; which he does. The only hitch is that about a million people are calling up on the landline including a couple of wrong numbers!!!! Somehow after disconnecting the phone for the umpteenth time I tell myself; Vishnu will have to wait! But where the hell is the current.......????????? Damn MSEB! I was about to gather all the profanity I know to abuse MSEB when suddenly.......................................
....................................aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
My fan is working!! Ahhhhhh............. That was pure heaven!! That was just 12 'o' clock in the afternoon and it already seemed to me as if I was done with the entire day!!!

I have been in an exceptionally extra, super super happy mood for the last few days and I dont know why....!!!! Evreytime i tell my friends that im in a happy happy happy mood; all they say is you mean gay gay gay mood, and yes; all pun intended!! I went to my friend's place yesterday to console the poor guy who has been going through a difficult few days. i managed to cheer him up with considerable help from Archie as well. In the end Anish declared that he was a lot better and that he was grateful for the effort that was put in! Perfect end to a perfect day...
I came home and slept quite late doing timepass and studying at the same time!(don't ask me how!!) As usual got up late today and whiled away precious time!! I caught up with a couple of friends over the net and spent some more time doing nothing at all, when i should be studying for my exams. My exams are breathing down my neck and slowly it shall start spreading it's icy cold hands over my neck while the fingers slowly tighten their grip on me!!(Naa... not trying to scare you people!!) I had class in the evening and I have just returned home finishing a four hour class and boy oh boy, my neck does hurt! I have not yet had dinner and my ma is frowning at me! So i got to run as I sure her temper is boiling over!! Dinner..........

Dance Bars............


the courts decision to reopen the flourishing business of the dance bars has been met upon by many with worried and uneasy looks. it is common belief that prostitution is rampant in these bars and that the morals of the society are brought to shame. however when these very same dancers are unemployed they will take up to prostitution. no one employs them, they are just left to fend for themselves in a world where no one gives a damn about anyone. they are not given three months salary or any letter for their time there. no one cares anymore. not every one there goes into prostitution, many there just go to dance. the minister's interest in petitioning to the high court is stupid and uncalled for. just shows that they want to close this down because they cant stop themselves from going into that. shows that these people have no control over themselves and they can't resist temptation. closing down the bars in the name of moral policing makes no sense in a democratic country. what is the point of democracy if people are not free to choose their own occupation? there is no point in living in a democratic country at all. god help us.

i just had a very very bad day............................
my dignity and my self respect have been shamed by someone i thought was my friend. these dirty minded dogs should be tortured and then allowed to die a slow death. i am a person who normally doesn't even respond if someone swears at me, i just let it be; so when i say this i am in a lot of pain.... and the worse id that the guy didn't even have the courage to come up to me and tell me.......... he had to tell this behind my back............


i really hope he dies a very slow, long and torturous death............

Reservation.

The fifty percent reservation that the government has proposed has invited only ridicule and slander. It is an absolutely ridiculous proposal that makes no sense. It is almost sixty years that India has become a free nation and now they want to increase the reservation to fifty percent!! This is not a sign of progress but a sign of the degrading times.. If the government puts up a fifty perent reservation for a community of people who don't make up ten percent of the population, where will the other people go? In the end these people will turn up with fake certificates; claiming to be from a reserved category. Is the government not thinking in terms of the common man? If after fifty eight years of independence, the government cannot make way with reservations; then we should not have any government at all......
A country's progress is marked by how much it gives the common man. This new reservation proposal is only making a mockery of the entire education system. It is crippling the progress of not only students but the entire nation. We salute you ministers who have nothing better to do than come up with stupid issues that don't make any sense and let the real issues which need to be resolved just die.

Recently people have been coming up to me and have been telling me that "Dude you have too much attitude"! Well if you were in the frame of mind that I was well, your head would have been screwed up too. Three days later the very same people walk up to me and apologise for their high handed behaviour citing it as a "misunderstanding". Ya well the damage has been done, I have already felt bad and I have already been hurt!!! Duh! I dont get it why people don't think twice before they open their mouths!! What prevents you from thinking twice? Or do you prefer to keep apologising?? Is it your way of life or what?? Treat all people equally. Don't judge people with what your friend tells you about them. I have been there, done that and trust me it ain't fun at all.... I just end up feeling bitter and well then things don't go the way you want them to.....